Muslim Marriage: Laws, Customs, Traditions | Middle East And North Africa

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MUSLIM MARRIAGE

Muslim wedding in India
In Islam, marriage (nikah) is encouraged as an integral part of humanity, and celibacy is discouraged. Marriage is a civil contract in Islam rather than a religious sacrament like it is in Christianity.

The Judeao-Christian-Islamic traditional places great significance on marriage and give it high symbolic value. Marriage is not meant to be taken lightly and breaking up a marriage is regarded as something that must be avoided at all costs. By contrast in some societies (mostly small isolated communities) men and women simply live together, and no great fanfare, is made about their union.

Charles F. Gallagher wrote in the “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”: Marriage is encouraged in the Qur’an, and the Christian concept of celibate purity has always been combated; to Muhammad is attributed the phrase, “No monkery in Islam.” Procreation is held up as desirable, and children, especially boys, are welcomed. [Source: Charles F. Gallagher, “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”, 1960s, Encyclopedia.com]

Websites and Resources: Islam IslamOnline islamonline.net ; Institute for Social Policy and Understanding ispu.org; Islam.com islam.com ; Islamic City islamicity.com ; BBC article bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam ; University of Southern California Compendium of Muslim Texts web.archive.org ; Encyclopædia Britannica article on Islam britannica.com ; Islam at Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org ; Muslims: PBS Frontline documentary pbs.org frontline

Arabs: Wikipedia article Wikipedia ; Who Is an Arab? africa.upenn.edu ; Encyclopædia Britannica article britannica.com ; Arab Cultural Awareness fas.org/irp/agency/army ; Arab Cultural Center arabculturalcenter.org ; 'Face' Among the Arabs, CIA cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence ; Arab American Institute aaiusa.org/arts-and-culture ; Introduction to the Arabic Language al-bab.com/arabic-language ; Wikipedia article on the Arabic language Wikipedia

Muslim Marriage Rules

In the Muslim world, marriage is regarded as a religious duty and generally carried out in accordance with religious laws and customs rather than secular ones. Men have authority over women and are expected to be a provider and a “protector of women.” Muslim schools of law stress that “equality” of marriage or that the bride and groom be of similar rank and position.

When asked about the Islamic jurisdictions toward marriage, The late Dr. Mahmood Abu Saud, a well-known Islamic scholar, said: “In Islam, marriage is a civil (though divine) contract, witnessed first by God, then by the society. The main terms of an Islamic marriage are: the free consent of both spouses, the public declaration of marriage, the dower to the wife, the respect of the terms that either party may opt to include in the contract (such as the wife's condition to be the sole wife, to divorce herself without the consent of the husband without mentioning any reason, or to get her dower at any certain time, etc.), and that the information in the contract is correct (for instance, whether or not either spouse is married, whether or not either of them has a disease, etc.) [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Shahid Athar, a well known Muslim American psychiatrist at the Islamic Center in Toledo, Ohio, said in 1992: “Marriage is ordained by God and is a tradition of Prophet Muhammad. He said marriage is half of faith and that it is a shield against wrongdoing.

When asked what if you want a child but don't want to get married, Dr. Abu Saud said: “Adopt a child according to the Islamic rules: Mainly, keep the child's father's name and no inheritance. He will never be YOUR child. Shahid Athar said:“You will have to have another man's sperm, which is adultery. When the child is born, he/she would like to know the father. What will you tell him/her that will satisfy and make him/her happy?

Marriage Age in the Muslim World

The age of a bride and groom when they get married varies among cultures according to religious and civil law and local custom. According to Sharia (Islamic) law a girl should marry soon after puberty. The reason for this, presumably, is to ensure that she retains her virginity for her husband. This is one reason why child marriages are not uncommon in some Muslim societies. [Source: “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ by George P. Monger, 2004]

Many Arab countries set the minimum age for women to marry at 18 years of age. Nevertheless, those countries have a provision in their family law allowing a religious court to grant women younger than 18 the right to marry. However, Yemen has abolished its minimum age for marriage. [Source: Library of Congress Law Library, Legal Legal Reports, 2020 |*|]

Arab countries that set the minimum age of marriage for women at eighteen years of age. also have provisions in their family laws that allow the religious courts to grant women younger than eighteen the right to marry. In Bahrain the minimum age for marriage is 16 for females, while Yemen allow females as young as nine years old to marry. In Iran, the minimum age of marriage for females is 13 (according to the Iranian calendar), but marriages at an even younger age may occur if the child’s guardian and a court approve.

When asked what is the right age to get married, Dr. Mahmood Abu Saud said: “There is no fast rule fixing such an age. When a person is mature enough, can live independently and is ready to meet the responsibilities of marriage, he/she can marry.”He added there was nothing wrong with being married young “as long as you are ready for marriage. The Prophet (PBUH) says, "He who can afford to get married, let him marry. . . " [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Shahid Athar said: “In this society, about a million girls get pregnant each year, and if they were married, they would not be counted in teenage pregnancy statistics. This right age is when you are ready to marry. If you have achieved puberty, then you must abstain from sex until you think you are ready for marriage. Otherwise, you may fall into the sin of premarital sex. He said there nothing wrong with being married young “unless you are marrying a man who is too old. The right age is when a person is physically and emotionally mature and ready for marriage. In this society, more than a million teenage girls become pregnant each year. If they are ready for sex, they should be ready for sex with responsibility and commitment which comes from marriage.

Marriage and Family in the Muslim World

Marriage is seen as a joining of two families, and parents have a great deal of say about the choice of a marriage partner. The parties in a Muslim marriage contract represent the interests of families rather than the direct personal interests of the prospective spouses. John L. Esposito wrote in the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”: In the traditional practice of arranged marriages, the families or guardians, not the bride and groom, are the two primary actors. The preferred marriage, because of concerns regarding the faith of the children, is between two Muslims and within the extended family. In Islam, as in Judaism, marriage between first cousins has been quite common.[Source: John L. Esposito “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, 2000s, Encyclopedia.com]

Marriage is viewed as a process of acquiring new relatives or reinforcing the ties one has with others. To participate fully in society, a person must be married and have children, preferably sons, because social ties are defined by giving away daughters in marriage and receiving daughters-in-law. Marriage with one's father's brother's child is preferred, in part because property exchanged at marriage then stays within the patrilineage. The relationship between in-laws extends beyond the couple and well past the marriage event. [Source: Library of Congress]

Families related by marriage exchange gifts on important occasions in each others lives. If a marriage is successful, it will be followed by others between the two families. The links thus formed persist and are reinforced through the generations. The pattern of continued intermarriage coupled with the occasional marriage of nonrelatives creates a convoluted web of interlocking ties of descent and marriage. *

Endogamy refers to marriage within a tribe or clan group, and exogamy refers to the practice of marrying outside of the tribe, kingroup, or clan. George P. Monger wrote in “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ Arab society is not exclusively endogamous—“out marriage” or exogamy is allowed and may be undertaken to cement a political alliance. Islamic society is less strict than Hindu society, where endogamy is practiced in its true sense of marrying within the clan, or caste, group. [Source: “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ by George P. Monger, 2004]

Qur’an and Scriptures on Marriage

Turkish bride

For Allah, the institution of marriage is based on mutuality of natural interest and cordiality between spouses and represents a sublime manifestation of the Divine Will and Purpose. This is expressed the following Qur’anic verse: “Allah Almighty says: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you from among yourselves mates that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has made between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who are reflecting” (30:21).[Source:“Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: According to Islamic tradition (Sunnah), marriage has been deemed to be an essential requirement. Celibacy has been regarded as a malevolent condition fraught with evils. In Christianity there is the belief in the inherent wickedness of sexual desire and intercourse made men and women absolutely and equally distressed in spiritual terms. Moreover, it caused a rather demoralizing conflict between the natural instinct’s urge and the religious or sectarian belief about wickedness of carnal desire and sexual intercourse.

In the above context, the revolutionary logic of Allah can be of extraordinary interest. Allah gives no slightest indication to the effect that sexual desire is evil in it, or that it is necessarily fraught with evil consequences. On the contrary, the Islamic endeavor in this regard is aimed at regulating human sexuality in a most humane manner. From the Islamic point of view sexual desire is not only compatible with human intellectuality or spirituality, but is evidenced as part of the nature and temperament of the prophets. According to one tradition (hadith), love and affection for women were characteristic of the moral conduct of the prophets.

There are several other traditions and narrations indicating prophetic regard for women. According to some, the Prophet of Allah and the pious Imams too have all explicitly demonstrated their love and regard for their wives and the womenfolk. At the same time, they have strongly disapproved of any human inclination towards celibacy or monasticism

One of the companions of the Holy Prophet, Osman bin Madaoon, devoted himself to Allah’s worship to such an extent that he kept fast practically everyday, as well as regular nightly vigils in prayers. His wife brought the matter to the attention of the Prophet, who reacted with visible annoyance and proceeded at once to where his companion was and said:

“O Othman! Know that Allah has not deputed me to encourage any monastic life. My Shariah laws are meant for enhancing and facilitating human accomplishment of their natural lives. Personally, I offer my prayers, keep fast and maintain my conjugal relations. Accordingly, to follow me in Allah means conforming to the traditions laid down by me, which include the requirement that men and women should marry and live together harmoniously”

The Islamic position as explained above makes it clear that human sexuality in itself neither represents any inborn wickedness, nor it invariably signifies evil consequences. Furthermore, it clarifies that wickedness has been traditionally ascribed to human sexuality in the process of evolving religious morality in the Western world. Now, the Western world has taken a 180-degree turn in reversing its extreme traditional morals.

Allah recognizes the strong sexual urge and desire for reproduction. Thus Allah encourages marriage as a legal sexual means and as a shield from immorality (sex without commitment). In Allah the marriage of a man and woman is not just a financial and legal living arrangement, not even just for reproduction, but providing a total commitment to each other, a contract witnessed by God. Love and joy of companionship is a part of the commitment. A married couple assumes a new social status and responsibility for himself, his wife and his children and for the community. The Allah says, “Among His signs is that He created consorts for you from among yourself, so that you may find tranquility with them, and (He) set love and compassion between you. Verily in this are signs for people who reflect” (30:21).

Islamic Beliefs on Marital Sexuality

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: Since the purpose of marriage is to be a mutual source of comfort, peace, and enjoyment for each other, like a garment that protects and covers, the sexual aspect of marriage is an extension of this. The husband is asked to be gentle, considerate and loving with his wife, and to try to satisfy her needs. The wife must reserve herself exclusively for her husband, and make efforts to be attractive, as well as making herself available to him whenever he is in need of her. This latter obligation also applies to the husband. Both husband and wife are also obligated to honor the privacy of the intimate relations between them, and should not speak of them to anyone [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Wedding among the Minangkabau in Indonesia

Allah acknowledges the innate impulses and sexual urges of man. This is based on the words of Allah. God Almighty says: “(That is) the nature (fitra) with which Allah has created mankind” (30:30). It should be noted that there couldn’t exist any contradiction between the law of Allah and the urges that He inculcates in man. How could such contradiction exist when the laws which Allah, the Almighty, laid down were laid down for the sake of man to be His vicegerent on Earth and to strive his utmost in building up its civilization. As Allah is the lord of mankind and the One worthy of man’s worship, it is Him who legislates for them laws that raise humanity an achieve their welfare and happiness for them in this world and the one after. Allah recognizes the power of sexual need, but the subject is discussed in the Allah and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in a serious manner, in regard to marital and family life.

The sexual aspect of life in Allah has three basic purposes: 1) Fulfillement of one’s desire, satisfaction of one’s sexual pleasure, and enjoyment of this blessing so as to lead a balanced happy life, with positive effect on oneself and others. 2) Ejection of bodily fluids from the body; otherwise suppression or retention of semen can cause various kinds of serious illness namely; pelvic congestion and its well-being-threatening sequences especially prostatitis. 3) Conservation of human race and continuity of its kind until it reaches the total number of human beings intended by Allah leave to experience life in this world, to fulfill the divine purpose, and to show gratitude to its creator.

Marriage Traditions in the Muslim World

Marriages are usually arranged (although in some countries the rules on this are relaxing due to Western influences) and contact between the sexes before marriage is discouraged. In many Arab countries. Cousin marriages are common even though Islamic tradition that prescribes couples to “marry amongst strangers, thus you will not have feeble posterity” and the ancient Arab injunction to “marry the distant, marry not the near,” meaning the near in relationship. An Arabian hero is quoted as saying:“He is a hero, not borne by the cousin, he is not weakly: for the seed of relations brings forth feeble fruit.” [Source: “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ by George P. Monger, 2004 ^]

George P. Monger wrote in “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “The Qur’an states that men have authority over women and that Allah has made the one superior to the other because men “spend their wealth to maintain them.”. But the Qur’an also states that marriage is a partnership to be shared between the man and the woman, based upon love, respect, and consent.

In some Muslim cultures, the sexes do not mix even during the wedding celebration. The prophet Muhammad said that when a man and woman are alone together there is a third among them—Shaytan or Satan. At all times a Muslim is taught to follow the command in the Qur’an that he or she should “lower their gaze and guard their modesty” (24: 30–31). Islam does not allow sex outside of marriage, and efforts are made to protect young people from temptation.

The countries of the Middle East are Islamic countries and have similar marriage traditions. Middle Eastern marriage generally follows traditional Muslim practices but is also influenced from the outside world, as women gain more control of their lives. Among wealthier families, the costs of weddings are rising as families strive to outdo each other. In many of the oil-rich countries, women have been delaying marriage in order to follow careers—the average age of marriage had risen from around eighteen in the 1980s to the mid- to late-twenties or even thirty by 2000. Additionally, dowry demands upon the man’s family have become so excessive that governments have had to intervene either to limit the size of dowry or to organize mass marriages to help with the costs.And families have become more and more extravagant in the celebrations. Traditionally, the more spent on the wedding, the greater the status of the family in the community, and weddings have often been an ostentatious show of wealth. Some countries have suppressed the traditional Muslim celebrations involving firing of guns into the air.

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood wrote for BBC: “In Islam, not every person consummates their marriage physically straight away; sometimes the girl may be very young, and it is considered more suitable to wait until she is older. Sometimes the couple may not be able to live together for some reason. A wedding contract may be arranged, signed and witnessed without the bride actually being present, or intending to live with the spouse straight away.” [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 8, 2009]

Muslim Marriage Laws

signing the nikah (the Muslim marriage document)

There are certain things which are basic to all Muslim marriages. One major requirement in Islam is that the marriages be declared publicly; secret marriages are forbidden. One way to make the marriage public is through a wedding feast called a walimah, where the couple declare their marriage.

Under Islamic law a marriage cannot be validated without the consent of both the bride and groom; a bride needs permission of her father or male relative to get married; and the bride and groom are supposed to know each other's families and social and economic background before they are allowed to get married. In many Muslim societies, a father or male guardian has the right to declare the marriage of a woman null and void. In some Muslim countries, fathers have wedding certificates annulled because their daughters eloped with their boyfriend without the father's consent and the annulments have been upheld in court.

Charles F. Gallagher wrote in the “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”: Traditional marriage is a contract arranged between heads of households. The consent of the groom is necessary if he is of age (formerly puberty, but now fixed almost everywhere by statute), but not that of the bride, except through her tutor for marriage. The right of compulsory marriage of a daughter by a male parent, formerly common, has been sharply restricted in most countries. Although Muslim law specifies degrees of kinship forbidden for marriage, the union of first cousins is sanctioned and often favored. Muslim males may marry non-Muslim women, but except in those countries where the holy law no longer exists (Turkey and Tunisia) Muslim women may not marry outside their faith. [Source: Charles F. Gallagher, “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”, 1960s, Encyclopedia.com]

On marriage, the Qur’an says: “They are your garments/ And you are their garments,” which according to Nadira Artyk, an Uzbekistan-born women’s rights journalist,” implies closeness, mutuality and equality.” In the Qur’an Allah told men: "And of His signs is this: he created for you helpmates from yourselves that ye may find rest in them, and he ordained between you love and mercy." Muhammad went on to say: "Do not marry only for the sake of beauty; may be the beauty becomes the cause of moral degradation. Do not marry even for the sake of wealth; maybe the wealth becomes the reason of insubordination. Marry on the grounds of religious devotion." [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 8, 2009]

George P. Monger wrote in “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ The Qur’an spells out degrees of relationship that would forbid marriage: a man may not marry his mother, daughters, sisters, paternal and maternal aunts, the daughters of his brothers or sisters, foster sisters, the mothers of his wives, stepdaughters in his charge born from his wives with whom he has consummated the marriage, and the wives of his sons. Nor may he marry two sisters at the same time or married women, unless they are slaves acquired as captives. The Qur’an says that it is unlawful for a man to inherit the women of his dead kinsmen against their will, nor may a widow be prevented from remarrying in an effort to make her repay anything (money, goods) that her deceased husband’s kinsmen may have given her. [Source: “Marriage Customs of the World From Henna to Honeymoons”: “ by George P. Monger, 2004]

Bedouin Marriage and Betrothal Customs

Traditionally, marriages have been between the closest relatives permitted by Muslim law. Cousin marriages are common, ideally between a man and his father’s brother’s daughter. Traditionally, a father’s brother’s son has first dibs on his female cousin, who has the right of refusal but needs permission of that son to marry anyone else. Although marriages to first cousins are desired, most marriages are between second and third cousins.

Marriages outside the extended family have traditionally been rare, unless a tribal alliances was established; and women were expected to be virgins when they were married. In a marriage it is important for the families to be of the same status. Having lots of children is considered a duty because the more members a tribe has the stronger it is. Polygamy is allowed but only rarely practiced. Generally, only older, wealth men with enough money to support multiple household can afford it.

Traditionally, women family members have acted as matchmakers; old brothers worked out the brideprice paid by the groom’s family and the details of the marriage contract; the bride and groom had to offer their consent; and escape routes had be worked out to save face if one of either the bride or groom backs out. If the marriage is between cousins the brideprice has traditionally been relatively small.

Among some tribes boys and girls are encouraged to explore their romantic feeling for one another at an early age, even 12. When other family members are working they can be alone in a tent. When it is cold the can hang out by a campfire. If a couple decides they want to marry the young man tells a friend and the friend asked the girl’s father for permission to marry. If approval is given, a tribal elder negotiated the bride price.

Arranged Marriages in the Muslim World

In the Muslim world, marriages have traditionally been and still are arranged by parents as a way of forming an important bond between families, not just the bride and groom, in such as way that both families preserve their family fortunes and help both families prosper financially, socially, and politically. Often the bonds are made within one’s kin group and has social, economic or with status advantages in mind.

Parents that arrange the marriages look for a good fit and compatibility between the bride and groom and their families. Love is not regarded as something that is necessary for a marriage to take place but rather is something that develops and grows after a couple is married. A women who is forced into a marriage by her male guardians that turns out to be unsuitable for her has the right to seek an annulment.

The marriages are usually worked out by parents but also may be arranged by other relatives, agents or matchmakers. The details of those worked out within families are often made by family women. It the old days, it was not uncommon for the bride and groom to meet for the first time on their wedding day.

Muslim Men Can Marry Non-Muslims But Muslim Women Can't

a harem
Marriages between Muslims and non-Muslims are discouraged. However, a Sunni Muslim man is allowed to marry to non-Muslims without the wife converting to Islam. A Muslim woman is unable to marry non-Muslim man because Islam is passed down through the male line and non-Muslim fathers would not possess the faith. The man must convert to Islam before a marriage can occur. Islam differs from Judaism, in which lineage is passed down through the mother.

In the majority of the 29 primarily Muslim countries, plus the West Bank and the Gaza Strip, studied by the Library of Congress, the prohibition of interfaith marriage arises from the implementation of Islamic personal status laws, either in codified or uncodified form, with respect to marriages involving Muslims. These countries either do not have separate civil marriage laws or do not allow Muslim individuals to marry under such laws. [Source: Library of Congress Law Library, Legal Reports, 2015 |*|]

Under Islamic law, regardless of the school of thought, Muslim women may not marry non-Muslim men, while Muslim men may only marry non-Muslim women who meet the definition of Kitabia (also spelled Kitabi, Kitabiyya, Kitabiyah, or ahl al-Kitab), or “people of the book, ” which typically refers to followers of Christianity and Judaism.In some countries, including Burma, Israel, and Indonesia, there appear to be restrictions on interfaith marriages involving people of religions other than Islam as well. |*|

Naomi Schaefer Riley wrote in the Washington Post: “Under Islamic law men are allowed to marry out of the faith — as long as they marry a Jew or Christian, referred to as “People of the Book.” Behind this rule is the notion that Islam is passed down patrilineally (unlike Judaism, which is matrilineal). So, no matter whom a Muslim man marries, his children will be considered Muslim. [Source: Naomi Schaefer Riley, Washington Post. April 12, 2013. Naomi Schaefer Riley is the author of “’Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage Is Transforming America.” \~]

Michelle Boorstein wrote in the Washington Post: “Interfaith marriage is a huge topic with wide cultural ramifications. Because Islamic tradition, not law, holds that a Muslim man can intermarry but not a woman, a substantial gender gap in the dating pool has opened as children and grandchildren of immigrants have grown up. [Source: Michelle Boorstein, Washington Post, May 27, 2008]

When asked why Muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim women while Muslim women not nort, Dr. Abu Saud said:“The Qur’an says, "Do not marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe" (2:221). The family structure is so paternal that the non-Muslim father would dominate and dictate. This meant that the children would be non-Muslims, that the wife would not be free to practice her religion, and that the different laws of Islam (such as inheritance, alimony, guardianship, etc.) cannot be observed. Accordingly, such marriage would lead to what is prohibited and thus becomes prohibited. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Qur'an om Interfaith Marriages

According to the Qur’an, Muslim men can marry Jewish and Christian women or a slave that doesn’t belong to them but they can not marry Buddhist or Hindu women because Judaism and Christianity are monotheist religions “of The book” like Islam while Buddhism or Hinduism are not.

The Qur’an states that a Muslim man may marry a Jewish or a Christian woman as long as she is chaste. “A believing maid is better than a idolatrous woman,” the Qur’an states. In the old days it was common for Muslim men to marry women of other religions and for their children to carry on the religion.

Specifically the Qur’an says for Muslims to marry "believers," the meaning of which has long been the source of great debate but has been widely interpreted to include Christians and Jews. Although the Qur’an does not address the gender issue directly, tradition has held that women are more easily subjugated, and therefore a Muslim woman in an interfaith marriage could be forced by a Christian or Jew to live and raise her children outside of Islam, while a Muslim man in an interfaith relationship would be able to control the household's faith.” [Source: Michelle Boorstein, Washington Post, May 27, 2008 ||||]

Intermarriage Among American Muslims

wedding of Rita Hayworth and Aly Khan

In a Pew Research Center poll of Muslim Americans released in 2007, 54 percent of women said interfaith marriage is acceptable, compared with 70 percent of men. Naomi Schaefer Riley wrote in the Washington Post: ““Although estimates of interfaith marriage among small population groups such as Muslims are hard to pin down, a 2011 Pew Research Center study found that about 16 percent of Muslims who are married or living with someone have a non-Muslim spouse or partner. That was the first year Pew studied whom Muslims married, and it’s one of the only organizations to do so. Muslims intermarry less often than other faith groups with longer histories in the United States, such as Catholics and Jews, but they do so more often than Hindus (10 percent) and about as often as Mormons (17 percent), according to a 2007 Pew study. [Source: Naomi Schaefer Riley, Washington Post. April 12, 2013. Riley is the author of “’Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage Is Transforming America.” \~]

“Steve Mustapha Elturk, an imam in Troy, Mich., says that his first marriage was to a Catholic Filipina woman. The couple sent one of their children to Catholic school, while Elturk taught him the Qur’an at home. Elturk said that he did not place enough emphasis on the Muslim faith when his children were young and that it affected their decisions as adults. He believes that things went much more smoothly with his second wife, a Muslim, and that his children from their marriage received a stronger Muslim upbringing. \~\

“According to a nationally representative survey I commissioned in 2010 of almost 2,500 people, children in interfaith families are more than twice as likely to adopt the faith of their mother as the faith of their father. If Muslim men continue to marry outside the faith at such high rates, the women left behind will be more inclined to do so as well because there will be fewer available Muslim partners. Meanwhile, families where the mother is Muslim and the father is not are less likely to be accepted in the Muslim community because technically their marriages are forbidden. \~\

“Other forces push Muslims toward intermarrying as well. Religious rules often prevent Muslims of the opposite sex from socializing with one another, and because most Muslims work and go to school with non-Muslims, it’s often easier for them to meet and get to know potential partners outside the faith. For example, Qanta A. Ahmed, a Muslim physician in New York, wrote in a USA Today op-ed last year that Muslim women “frequently lack intellectually and professionally equal Muslim partners” and that Muslim men often choose younger, less career-focused Muslim women of the same nationality. “These forces drive Muslim women to either select suitable marriage partners from outside the faith or face unremitting spinsterhood.” \~\

“And even when a non-Muslim man converts for a Muslim fiancee, he often does so merely to placate the bride’s family, and not out of deep conviction. Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, author of “Before the Wedding: 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married,” says she has seen many cases in which a significant other becomes a “token Muslim.” He or she will say the shahada, the declaration of faith, Ezzeldine says, but if the Muslim half of the couple is not very observant, the non-Muslim is often merely doing the conversion “for the sake of having a Muslim marriage.” Part of the problem, Ezzeldine says, is that conversion to Islam is not a long or arduous process. There is no curriculum to master, no test of religious knowledge. Rather, Islam is similar to some strains of evangelical Protestantism in which people can say they were moved by the spirit and they are instantly “born again.”

Polygamy in Islam

wedding party in Pakistan
Based on Muslim law, which turn is based on the Qur’an and the Hadiths, Muslim men can have four wives but women are allowed to have only one husband. It is widely believed that polygamy was tolerated for social reasons: so that poor women could find someone to take care of them. The Qur’an was written at a time when many women lost their husbands in wars, tribal clashes and for other reasons. Activists and women's groups say modern polygamy is cruel and has deviated from its original purpose in Islam, which was to protect widows and orphans.

Before Islam, women could have several husbands. If one fell out of favor she spurned him by facing her tent doorway away from him. Until recently some Arab sheikhs and eastern potentates often sired 500 children or more. Polygamy is not nearly as widespread as it once was and is rare among educated people. In some Muslim countries, a man seeking to marry another wife needs approval from a local court and consent of his other wives. Approval is usually granted within minutes if the man can prove he has the means to support more than one family. In some places women can be force into polygamy.

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood wrote for BBC: “At the time of the revelation of the Qur'an it was normal procedure for men to have more than one wife, up to the limits of their ability to support them. Also, powerful and wealthy women also had marital arrangements with more than one partner. One difference between Islam and other faiths is that to this day a man may have more than one wife, up to the limit of four wives simultaneously - so long as it is not done to the detriment and hurt of the existing Muslim partner(s). [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 8, 2009 |::|]

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: Internet Islamic History Sourcebook: sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; Arab News, Jeddah; “Islam, a Short History” by Karen Armstrong; “A History of the Arab Peoples” by Albert Hourani (Faber and Faber, 1991); “World Religions” edited by Geoffrey Parrinder (Facts on File Publications, New York); “Encyclopedia of the World’s Religions” edited by R.C. Zaehner (Barnes & Noble Books, 1959); Metropolitan Museum of Art, Encyclopedia.com, National Geographic, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, The Guardian, Al Jazeera, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Library of Congress and various books and other publications.

Last updated April 2024