Polygamy in Islam

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Harem by Antoin Sevruguin
Based on Muslim law, which turn is based on the Qur’an and the Hadiths, Muslim men can have four wives but women are allowed to have only one husband. It is widely believed that polygamy was tolerated for social reasons: so that poor women could find someone to take care of them. The Qur’an was written at a time when many women lost their husbands in wars, tribal clashes and for other reasons. Activists and women's groups say modern polygamy is cruel and has deviated from its original purpose in Islam, which was to protect widows and orphans. The practice of polygyny is also, of course, regulated by the laws of the country in which Muslims live.

Before Islam, women could have several husbands. If one fell out of favor she spurned him by facing her tent doorway away from him. Until recently some Arab sheikhs and eastern potentates often sired 500 children or more. Polygamy is not nearly as widespread as it once was and is rare among educated people. In some Muslim countries, a man seeking to marry another wife needs approval from a local court and consent of his other wives. Approval is usually granted within minutes if the man can prove he has the means to support more than one family. In some places women can be force into polygamy.

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood wrote for BBC: “At the time of the revelation of the Qur'an it was normal procedure for men to have more than one wife, up to the limits of their ability to support them. Also, powerful and wealthy women also had marital arrangements with more than one partner. One difference between Islam and other faiths is that to this day a man may have more than one wife, up to the limit of four wives simultaneously - so long as it is not done to the detriment and hurt of the existing Muslim partner(s). The refusal to hurt or abuse another Muslim is a basic requirement in Islam, and is assumed in polygamous marriage considerations. If a man feels unable to treat all parties with kindness, love and scrupulous fairness, he is ordered by God not to take more than one wife. Muslim women are required to have only one husband at a time - they may still marry more than one man in a lifetime, but consecutively. [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 8, 2009]

Websites and Resources: Islam IslamOnline islamonline.net ; Institute for Social Policy and Understanding ispu.org; Islam.com islam.com ; Islamic City islamicity.com ; BBC article bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam ; University of Southern California Compendium of Muslim Texts web.archive.org ; Encyclopædia Britannica article on Islam britannica.com ; Islam at Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org ; Muslims: PBS Frontline documentary pbs.org frontline

Polygamy, Muhammad and the Qur’an

The passage in the Qur’an that is used to justify polygamy goes: “you may marry other women who seem good to you: two, three or four of them. [B]ut if you fear that you cannot maintain equality among them, marry one only or any slave girls you may own—this will make it easier for you to avoid injustice” (4: 3). Muslim scholars are careful to point that "two and three and four" women means a man can have a maximum of four wives not nine of them. Muhammad once met a man with ten wives and instructed him to keep four and divorce the other six. The prophet also instructed a man married to a pair of sisters that he had to divorce one of them. According to Muslim law, a man can have as many slave concubines as he likes.

Muhammad had 11 wives. Most of them were older. He married many of them for political reasons, mostly to forge ties with other tribes, and endorsed the polygamy as way of supporting widows. The Prophet set very high standards for husbands with multiple wives. He insisted that each wife was be treated equally and required that a husband divide his time among them equally, spending the night with each one the same number of nights. Generally, only men who were relatively wealthy could afford to take care of multiple wives and large families.

In old days polygamy was not only regarded as permissible but was regarded as desirable because it was way of making sure that all women and children had a male to take care of them. Those opposed to polygamy say the old reasons for endorsing polygamy no longer apply in the modern work and achieving the Muslim law requirements that all women in a polygamous marriage be treated equally is impossible to achieve. Muslim law also states that a man may take female slaves as concubines and children born to them are free and have a right to inheritance.

The Qur’an emphasizes the limitations of polygamy in no uncertain terms: 1) "If you fear lest you may not be perfectly equitable in treating more than one wife, then you shall be content with one." (4:3), 2) "You cannot be equitable in a polygamous relationship, no matter how hard you try." (4:129) [Source: “Sexualiy in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: The Qur’anic limitations against polygamy point out the possibility of abusing God's law. Therefore, unless we are absolutely sure that God's law will not be abused, we had better resist our lust and stay away from polygamy. If the circumstances do not dictate polygamy, we had better give our full attention to one wife and one set of children. The children's psychological and social well-being, especially in countries where polygamy is prohibited, almost invariably dictate monogamy.

A few basic criteria must be observed in contemplating polygamy: 1) It must alleviate pain and suffering and not cause any pain or suffering. 2) If you have a young family, it is almost certain that polygamy is an abuse. 3) Polygamy to substitute a younger wife is an abuse of God's law (4:19).

Polygamy and Polygyny

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Western view of a Turkish
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Anthony Walsh wrote in “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”: Polygamy is a general term for specific plural marriage forms in which one man is married to two or more women at the same time (polygyny), or one woman is married to two or more men at the same time (polyandry). Bigamy (one man or woman married to just two spouses) is also a form of polygamy. Any form of plural marriage in Western societies is forbidden by law, although polygyny is still practiced by many thousands of fundamentalist Mormons in Utah, Arizona, Nevada, and California despite legal proscriptions and the 1890 ban on the practice by the Mormon Church. By far the most usual form of polygamous marriage is polygyny, so much so that the term "polygamy" is often erroneously used synonymously with polygyny. The prefix "poly-" means "many," and the suffix "-gamy" refers to a union for the purpose of reproduction. [Source:Anthony Walsh, “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

Polygyny ("poly"="many"; "gyny"="women") is a polygamous form of marriage in which a man is married to two or more women simultaneously. In Murdock's Ethnographic Atlas of 849 human cultures, 709 (83.5 percent) were polygynous, 137 (16.1 percent) were monogamous (one man, one wife), and 4 (0.047 percent) were polyandrous (one woman married to two or more men). Many people incorrectly use the terms "polygyny" and "polygamy" interchangeably; polygamy is a general term for both polygyny and polyandry. Although most cultures are polygynous, most marriages, even within cultures allowing for polygyny, are monogamous.

Historical and anthropological evidence clearly shows that polygyny occurs mainly in the middle ranges of societal complexity, that is, in the agricultural stage between primitive communism and modern industrialism. Primitive communism was a cultural system in which everything, including sexual partners, was considered common property, or at least in which there was a strong expectation of liberal sharing. Primitive communism died out when cultures settled down in one place and started agricultural economies and when individuals started to think in terms of "this (land, food, woman) is mine." As with life's other amenities, the rich and powerful were able to grab more than their fair share of women.

Why Do Polygamy and Polygyny Occur

Anthony Walsh wrote: Why would men dream up the institution of marriage, with all its psychological irritations, obligations, and restrictions? It was not to satisfy their erotic appetites, for marriage, even polygynous marriage, could not compete with earlier sexual communism as a method of gratifying the stirrings in the loins. Perhaps it was animated by the eugenic passion of high-born ancients for transmitting their superior abilities while minimizing the possibility of cuckoldry, by their desire to have cheap slaves, or by their desire to avoid bequeathing their property to progeny not carrying their genes. It may also have been that couples with a propensity to pair-bond (a propensity later formalized by the institution of marriage) increased the survivability of their offspring, thus exerting pressure for the selection of that trait into the human gene pool. [Source: Anthony Walsh, “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

Once the idea of personal property began to take hold (and this would seem to be a very natural idea), men with property desired to protect it from men without it. One way of doing this is to surround the issue of ownership of women with the rites, rules, and regulations of marriage. Islam is the faith most supportive of polygyny, with the Qur’an permitting a Muslim four legal wives and as many concubines as he can properly support providing he shows all wives equal consideration. Recognizing the difficulties of living up to these provisos, polygyny is not encouraged within Islam as it was, say, among the early Mormons in the United States. Fewer than 10 percent of Muslim marriages are polygynous, and the trend is toward fewer and fewer as those countries develop more along industrial lines. The best estimate of its incidence among the early Mormons is also no more than 10 percent.

Is polygyny the "natural" state of affairs for males? Those of a sociobiological or biosocial persuasion believe that it is. The mammalian animal literature indicates the tendency for female harems to form around a single male in many species, but there is no evidence of the reverse. Sociobiologists see cultural evolution proceeding in concert with biological evolution; that is, culture values the same traits that lead to reproductive success. A corollary of this is that individuals will strive for culturally defined status positions because, ultimately, those positions maximize reproductive success and such behavior is biologically adaptive.

Culture, of course, is a compromise between natural inclinations and cultural proscriptions, but it is always the less privileged who do most of the compromising. One might say that the rich and powerful are freer than the rest of us to indulge their natural inclinations, whatever they may be. In cultures legally allowing for plural marriage, those at the top of the social hierarchy will seek multiple wives, both as a mark of their standing and to increase their reproductive success.

As a subculture with excellent records available, the early Mormons have been the target of many researchers seeking to test the sociobiological theory. These tests have tended to support the sociobiological interpretation, even placing religion in the evolutionary context of reproductive competition. For instance, Brigham Young rivaled King Solomon (reported to have had 60 wives and 80 concubines) in the number of wives he took (53) and the number of offspring he sired (57), offspring who were called, as their status befits, "bodies of honor." All available evidence shows that polygyny is a perquisite of the privileged, that polyandry is not much more than wife sharing among the destitute, and that monogamy is an uneasy compromise between biological urges and cultural imperatives.

Views About Muslim Polygamy

Charles F. Gallagher wrote in the “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”: Polygamy has been widely practiced throughout Islam at all times, but with regional variations and under some social and ethical restrictions. Economic factors alone have always limited the number of polygamous families, most of which are found among the urban well-to-do. Peasants tend, through economic necessity, to be monogamous or to limit themselves to the taking of a second wife, often later in life. [Source: Charles F. Gallagher, “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”, 1960s, Encyclopedia.com]

Under the influence of Western mores in the 20th century plural marriages have come to be regarded by many Muslims as a sign of backwardness. Many Muslim reformers now claim that the Qur’anic purpose was to limit the uncontrolled polygamy of pre-Islamic Arabia by imposing a limitation reasonable to the age. Today codes of personal status in countries like Syria and Egypt, which combine features of the holy law with European legislation, have made plural marriage increasingly difficult, although they have hesitated to outlaw it completely, as in Turkey and Tunisia.

The late Dr. Mahmood Abu Saud, a well-known Islamic scholar, said: “Polygamy is not common in the Muslim world, although it exists. There are strict terms set in the Qur’an on marrying more than one woman, and they are really difficult to observe. However, a woman can always indicate in her marriage contract that she would not accept to be with another wife. and can even insist on an important compensation in case she is divorced for no fault of her own. Whatever the case may be; to have another wife is much better than to have a mistress. If in the inquirer's view, polygamy is slavery, the second wife should not accept it. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Shahid Athar, a well known Muslim American psychiatristat the Islamic Center in Toledo, Ohio, said in 1992: “Muslim society in the Muslim world is by practice monogamous. There is less than one percent polygamy, and that is by permission and not injunction. In the West, men who can control their desire, have one wife and one to four mistresses. Also in the West, they practice polygamy but not at the same time, i.e., cycle of marriage, divorce, marriage and divorce several times in their lives.

According to “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”: The allowance of multiple wives was never intended merely to satisfy desires, impulses, or whims. Its justification was to prevent delinquency and the fragmentation and destruction of the family due to immoral or adulterous behavior. Taking a second wife must be done with the full consultation of the first wife. While some believe this means consent, others argue that it entails only informing her of the pending action. Sometimes it is the first wife who urges her husband, due to her sterility or sexual dysfunction, to take a second wife [Source:“Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

The Qur'an also recognizes also states as sort of an afterthought that "none of you will (or can)." In other words, polygamy cannot be rationalized on the basis of emotions, finances, or social status. It is to be undertaken with great caution, care, and as an absolute necessity. Even then, justice and equality must be taken seriously into consideration. Whether a man has one or more wives, it is incumbent upon him to treat them with great tenderness and kindness before, during, and after sexual intercourse. In fact, men are encouraged to plan an emotional preparation to maximize mutual sexual enjoyment. They are not to behave selfishly or inconsiderately. The Prophet advised them "not to pounce on your wives like animals" and to make certain of mutual sexual gratification.

Muslim Men and Polygamy

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Explaining the rational behind polygamy one Egyptian man told the Los Angeles Times, “The Arab is not faithful to one wife, never. He has many relations.” Polygamy allows his philandering to be legal. If a groom looks nervous some Muslim men say: “It’s his first wedding. The second, third, and forth marriages are much easier.”

An Iranian man living in London with three wives and 12 children echoed this sentiment. He told The Time of London: “Polygamy is a very natural thing. Men are born like this. It is in man’s nature to take more than one wife.” He said he decided to take his second wife after feeling guilt over having an affair. “I think that 95 percent of divorces occur because the man has a woman somewhere else. Men have that type of mentality.”

“I’m living in good harmony,” the Iranian man said. “We live together very well, the women have no jealousy. They understand Islam and I have to respect their feelings. They know I have enough love for all of them.”

In August 2007, the United Arab Emirates newspaper Emirates Today ran a story about 60-year-old , one-legged man who had 78 children and said his goal was to have 100 by the time he turned 68 in 2015. The newspaper ran picture of the man, Daad Muhammad Murad Abdul, surrounded by his children with oldest 36 and the youngest 20 days. Two of his three wives at the time were pregnant. At that point in time he had had 15 wives overall, divorcing some as he went along to saty within the four limit, and had two more lined up to reach his goal.

Muslim Women and Polygamy

In polygamist families, the first wife has traditionally been the senior wife, ordering the others around. The others treat her like a mother. At least to observers on the outside there is often surprisingly little jealousy between the women. The first’s wife’s position can be undermined if her husband prefers one of the other wives much more. Some women live with the fear that when they get older their husbands will dump them in favor of a younger wife.

The first wife is often caught be surprise by her husband's desire to take a second wife. She is often in a position of weakness as she needs her husband's permission for a divorce and child support. Some first wives live alone with their children after the second wife moves in with the husband. The first wife can be punished very severely, even by death, if she takes a lover or husband.

Arab men have traditionally said that their wives appreciated have another wives around to help with cooking, housecleaning and child-rearing duties. Many women have also said they like the arrangement because it means they have less work to do.

Poor Muslim with Four Wives and 17 Children

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Two Ladies and a Child in the Harem
Reporting from northern Nigeria, Robyn Dixon wrote in the Los Angeles Times, “To enter Muhammad Umar’s mosquito-infested house, you step over a gutter brimming with sewage. At dusk two wives and 13 children are crammed in a small dark corridor with no ceiling. Charcoal smoke permeates the air and stings the eyes. The latest baby, Adam, 2 weeks old, moans restlessly; another child coughs incessantly and the call to prayer rings out from a nearby mosque. [Source: Robyn Dixon, Los Angeles Times, January 8, 2017]

“Umar is a humble bricklayer in a city with few jobs — but he has four wives, two homes he rents to accommodate them and 17 threadbare children. They spend their long days hungry, waiting for him to bring home a small pocket of money for food. Umar leaves his small cinder-block house in northwestern Nigeria’s Kano city at dawn and returns late at night, often with just a couple of dollars to feed his family. Then he starts over. He has borrowed for survival, is sinking in debt and, with no money for rent, faces likely eviction.

“Even when I get a job, the money’s not enough to support the family,” he says. “Every time I go to sleep, the thought of the debt comes into my mind, and I can’t get back to sleep.” When the children get sick, there is no money for medicine. A 2-month-old daughter, Hauwau, died in 2015 because he couldn’t pay a few coins to transport her to a hospital. Struggling to breathe, she slipped away one night. Umar’s inability to feed his wives and children adequately could taint them for the rest of their lives. Nearly 80% of children in Kano are stunted, the result of persistent, ongoing malnutrition, which will affect their brain development, learning capacity and, ultimately, the jobs they will have.

Umar has 17 of his own children and supports an 18th, from his third wife’s previous marriage. She sent four children from that marriage to an uncle, but kept the youngest. She has two boys ages 3 and 5 with Umar. His wives gave birth to all but two of their children at home. The two cases where wives went to the hospital involved life-threatening complications. Umar fears his children will end up as he did, begging for food on the streets. They already beg from neighbors. “The older ones can endure, but the younger ones go to neighbors and beg for food because they cannot endure it. There’s a limit to what they can bear,” he says.

Samaila, Umar’s fourth wife, recently walked out with her two children. Umar still takes money to her parents’ village and pleads with her to come home. “Aisha didn’t have the same patience and endurance as I and the other wives. She’d complain all the time,” said Idris, who lived in the next room from her. “She kept saying, ‘There’s no food. I just can’t live with hunger.’ We’d always try to appeal to her common sense, that nothing lasts and the situation might change.”

If the family is evicted, Umar will try to send his wives back to their parents with the children, although none has the space nor the food to go around. “That’s what we worry about, day in, day out. What will we do?” says his first wife, Shuaibu. “We are just hoping something will happen. Maybe a big job will come. “It’s tough as a mother. The younger ones cry when they have no food. My children are starving with nothing to eat.”

Polygamy: Tolerated But Frowned Upon

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood told the BBC: “Men and women can have as many spouses as they can fit into a lifetime; but this is not generally approved. Women are requested to have only one husband at a time (there is evidence that wealthy Arab women were polyandrous before the coming of Islam - certainly wealthy men were polygynous), and men are limited to four at one time, whereas previously there had been no limit, and a wealthy and generous man was expected to cater for as many women as he could afford (in the absence of a welfare state). [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 3, 2009 |::|] “Allah sent the proviso that no Muslim was ever to deliberately cause hurt or harm to another Muslim, so a man might not take extra womenfolk into his home if it would cause upset and distress (it was recommended when there were lots of widows after warfare, if the women were willing to be generous to bereft 'sisters'). Also, if a man could not provide equal treatment of his wives - equal food, clothing, money, living quarters, time spent with - he was refused permission for polygamy. |::|

“Equal sexual activity was not ruled on, however. Some wives had no sexual relationship with their husbands at all after a while, or if they came into the household as widows of relatives. Don't forget that most widows also came with their children. When the Prophet married the widow Sawdah he took on six of her children, and with Umm Salamah another four, for example. |::|

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: Internet Islamic History Sourcebook: sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; Arab News, Jeddah; “Islam, a Short History” by Karen Armstrong; “A History of the Arab Peoples” by Albert Hourani (Faber and Faber, 1991); “World Religions” edited by Geoffrey Parrinder (Facts on File Publications, New York); “Encyclopedia of the World’s Religions” edited by R.C. Zaehner (Barnes & Noble Books, 1959); Metropolitan Museum of Art, Encyclopedia.com, National Geographic, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, The Guardian, Al Jazeera, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Library of Congress and various books and other publications.

Last updated April 2024