Sex and Muslims: Beliefs, Qur'an, Muhammad | Middle East And North Africa

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SEX IN THE MUSLIM WORLD

Even though Islamic rules can be very strict about what women can wear and do in public, in regard to sex, in many ways, anything goes as long as it is done with a husband and within the confines of the home. The Qur’an contains no prohibition against sex for pleasure. This contrasts with Catholic Church doctrine which frowns upon any sex that is not intended to produce babies. Religious authorities at Al Azhar University in Cairo told the Washington Post, "There is nothing wrong with a man getting pleasure from his wife. As long as both have pleasure, as long as they are married. If both fulfill their sexual duty it prevents them from searching elsewhere." However, adultery and homosexuality are sometimes treated as serious crimes.

Muhammad seems to have no qualms with sex, as long as it was done between husband and wives. He had at least nine wives, including one who was his nephew’s fiancé, and even decreed sexual fulfillment was a woman’s right. In many Muslim countries, wives are legally obligated to have sex with their husbands. Sheik Nefzawi, author of the “Perfumed Garden”, said that honey was a great aphrodisiac.

Mohja Kahf, the Saudi author of “The Girl with the Tangerine Scarf”, wrote in the Washington Post : “Medieval Christianity excoriated Islam for being orgiastic, which seems to mean that Muslims didn’t lay a guilt trip on hot sex (at least within what were deemed licit relationships). Now that sex is all the rage in the post-sexual revolution West, you’d think Muslims would get some credit for the pro-sex attitude of Islam...Listen, we’re the only monotheistic faith I know with an actual legal rule that the wife has a right to an orgasm.”

Public displays deemed too sexy are another story. In Iran, shop owners that display mannequins deemed provocative face arrest. The actress Gohar Kheirandish was threatened with jail time and 74 lashes after she kissed director Ali Zamani on the forehead during a televised award ceremony in 2002. Some Muslim scholars have said that oral sex is permissible for married couples. Even so the discussion of sex, even between husband and wife, is often taboo.

Websites and Resources: Islam “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D at Archive for Sexology sexarchive.info IslamOnline islamonline.net ; Institute for Social Policy and Understanding ispu.org; Islam.com islam.com ; Islamic City islamicity.com ; BBC article bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam ; University of Southern California Compendium of Muslim Texts web.archive.org ; Encyclopædia Britannica article on Islam britannica.com ; Islam at Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org ; Muslims: PBS Frontline documentary pbs.org frontline

Sexuality in Islam

In Islam, sexual relationships are regarded as highly sacred and recommended religiously as long as they take place within marriage. Even so talking about sex, even mentioning it, is considered shameful and even sinful. In “Sexuality and Islam,” Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: It is to be known that magnificent sexual life is a completely attainable goal for just about everyone, especially if it is running guided by God’s orders and regulations, and we don’t have to be astonished reading these words, as God has created us, so he is the best to know what is beneficial and what is not for us, and overall, what is best for his beloved creatures, these are…human beings. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

This message of God (Allah) came clear in his final divine religion: Islam, which surprisingly declared very profound details of a best sexual life between a husband and a wife, either frankly, or symbolically. Islam has set legal, psychological, and social rules to control one’s natural instincts particularly when he has not the means of marriage. The basic tenet is to respond to the Qur’an’s call to hold tight to virtue and chastity as Allah, the Exalted, says: “..and let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace…” (23:33).

Islam is no way tries to depreciate the sill less to deny the power of the sexual; on the contrary, it attributes a sublime significance to the power of sexuality and invests it with such a transcendental quality that any trace of guilt is removed from it. Taken up in this way, sexuality flows freely and joyfully, in other words, sexuality is the reference and its contents is a full positivity, taking these facts, Islamic life becomes an alteration and complementarity of the invocation of the divine Word and the exercise of the physical love. The view by traditional non-Islamic moralists that regard sex and love as if these were manifestations of an obnoxious evil is shunned.

Imam Muhammad ibn Zakariyya (one of the biggest Islamic knowers) once said the coming statement aged several hundreds of years: "Abstaining from sexual intercourse for an extended period weakens one’s nervous system, can cause obstruction of the urethra, and shrinks the penis."... Benefits of lawful sexual intercourse include protecting one’s eyes from looking at what is unlawful, preserving one’s chastity, controlling one’s desire and lust against what is unlawful, and providing the same for his or her spouse. This will certainly provide the believing man and woman with innumerable benefits in this world and in the hereafter. Imam Ahmad alluding to abstention from sex, once said: "I exercise patience when fasting from food and drink, though it is still difficult."

Any type of vaginal sex, which takes place in societies in which sex is considered to be a game and entertainment, is not allowed in Allah. Some think that Allah only allows that type of vaginal sex that is necessary for human reproduction.... By cohabitation with women intend and aim to produce offspring and not to fulfill your desire. Sometimes, it is praiseworthy to intend and aim only for procreation, but it is wrong that “Allah only allows that type of vaginal sex that is necessary for human reproduction”! The Law condones marital sexual intercourse for (mutual) pleasure, proved by that contraception is licit. And higher and better yet than procreation, the aim of pleasing Allah and quieting human lusts in order to fully turn to Him was the intention of many of the Salaf (prophet’s companions and big Islamic knowers) behind intercourse.

Difficulty Address Sexual Topics in Islam

According to “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”:What makes it particularly difficult to report on sexual behaviors and patterns in the Muslim world is that this subject is sensitive and makes many people feel uncomfortable, so much so that public discourse about it is more or less taboo. Privately and separately, both sexes may occasionally discuss it, but even here many areas exist beyond the realm of the permissible. This means that despite its powerful and compelling pressure, sex exists almost in the twilight zone, referred to only rarely and with the utmost caution and embarrassment. [Source:“Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

This being true of sex in general, some sexual topics, such as homosexuality, are almost unmentionable. Homosexuality is often referred to casually, superficially, or in a derogatory manner but rarely in an analytical or objective way. This is why the Muslim researcher must be extremely cautious in exploring such sensitive and explosive areas. They involve emotional issues that touch many nerves.

At the same time, Muslims regard sexuality as part of being human, although an individual's behavior and sexuality are determined by basic precepts and concepts and guided by religious beliefs. Humans are created with certain needs and instincts that must be satisfied in order to enjoy a healthy, stable, and balanced life. Within this context, individuals should avoid extremes, which may lead to social and biological dysfunctions.

Qur’an Verses That Touch on Sex

“Made tempting to people is the love of lusts, women and children, heaped up hoards of gold and silver, choicest horses, cattle and crops. Such enjoyment of the life of this world, but he everlasting and best abode is with God” (3:14)

“And there is no blame on you if you make indirect proposal of marriage to widowed women during their waiting term, or keep it concealed in your hearts; for Allah knows that you will think of them, but do not make any secret engagement with them, except to speak of righteousness, and do not intend the marriage until the waiting term expires. And beware that Allah knows what is in your hearts, so beware of HIM and beware that Allah is all-forgiver most-forbearing. (2:235)

The following verses tell a part of prophet Joseph’s story with his mistress Zulaikha:: “And the woman of the house he was living in, began to tempt him and carefully locked the doors on them and she said: ‘come take me’, so he said: I seek refuge in Allah; he is my lord who has given me a good abode, indeed the wrongdoers never prosper” (23) And she moved towards him, and he would have moved towards her, had he not see a sign from his Lord (Go), thus did we turn away from him the evil and indecency, indeed he was one of our sincere worshippers (24) (12:23&24)

“And the women in the city said ‘the governor’s wife has been soliciting her slave, her heart is stuck with love, we see her in an evident error (30) So when she heard about their sly talk, she sent for them and prepared a banquet for them, and she gave each one of them a knife and she said: ’come forth Joseph before them’ so when they saw him, they were so carried away in admiration for him that they cut their hands unknowingly and they said: ‘Allah forbid! This cannot be human, he must be an honorable angel (31) She said: ‘This is he for whom you blamed me and I already solicited him, but resisted forcibly, and unless he does what I ordered him, he shall be imprisoned and be one of the abject (32) (12:31 &32)

Muhammad on Sex

Sayings of Prophet Muhammad on having sex (A the prophet Mohamed (PBUH), according to Allah, was “not saying anything out of his own will”, is then can be deduced these are the words of Allah): 1) “When one of you have sex with your wife, it is a rewarded act of charity.” The Companions were surprised and said, “But we do it purely out of our desire. How can it be counted as charity?” The Prophet replied, “If you had done it with a forbidden woman, it would have been counted as a sin, but if you do it in legitimacy, it is counted as charity.” 2) “Let not one of you fall upon his wife like a beast falls. It is more appropriate to send a message before the act, so, his companions asked: what should the message be? He replied: the kiss, and the word.” [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

3) “Do not divulge the secrets of your sex life with your wife to another person nor describe her physical feature to anyone, as whoever does this, is like someone who is doing this act in public.”4) ”I get married, eat meat, stand up in night prayers, fast and break my fast. Whoever disdains from my traditions is not one of my followers”. 5) O young men, whoever among you have the means to establish a marital life, he should get married. For marriage preserves the chastity of one’s eyes and sexual organs, and whoever cannot afford to get married; he must fast for abstention in that case will protect him from sin.” 6) ”No solution is ever better for two people who are in love like marriage”.

Muhammad also commented on marriage and sex. According to the sunnahs, Muhammad encouraged believers to get married, saying: "Get married, and conceive children for I shall take pride in your number on the Day of Judgment." 1) Ibn Abbass (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said: "I get married, eat meat, sleep, stand up in night prayers, fast, and break my fast. Whoever disdains from my traditions (Sunnah) is not one of my followers." 2) He (PBUH) also said: "O young men whoever among you has the means to establish a family, he should get married, for marriage preserves the chastity of one’s eyes and sexual organ, and whoever cannot afford to establish a family, he must fast from desiring sex, for abstention in that case will protect him from sin." 3) Ibn Abbass (RA) once narrated that Allah meesenger (PBUH) said: "We recognize that marriage is the best solution for two people who are in love."

On her sex life with Muhammad, his wife, Aisha said: “I used to bath with Allah messenger in the same tub, and I used to tell him: ‘leave some water for me’, and he used to say to me: ‘you leave me some’”. Responding to a follower’s question about the extent of the exposure between spouses, she said “I used to see his (she means his genitals) and he used to see mine”. Answering a question about the way the Prophet was following, in order to getting pure of “janabah” (after intercourse or night emission), “Aisha”, wife of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) replied: “He used to wash his sex organ then to shower”.

Islamic Beliefs on Marital Sexuality

a woman is expected to be a virgin on her wedding day

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: Since the purpose of marriage is to be a mutual source of comfort, peace, and enjoyment for each other, like a garment that protects and covers, the sexual aspect of marriage is an extension of this. The husband is asked to be gentle, considerate and loving with his wife, and to try to satisfy her needs. The wife must reserve herself exclusively for her husband, and make efforts to be attractive, as well as making herself available to him whenever he is in need of her. This latter obligation also applies to the husband. Both husband and wife are also obligated to honor the privacy of the intimate relations between them, and should not speak of them to anyone [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Allah acknowledges the innate impulses and sexual urges of man. This is based on the words of Allah. God Almighty says: “(That is) the nature (fitra) with which Allah has created mankind” (30:30). It should be noted that there couldn’t exist any contradiction between the law of Allah and the urges that He inculcates in man. How could such contradiction exist when the laws which Allah, the Almighty, laid down were laid down for the sake of man to be His vicegerent on Earth and to strive his utmost in building up its civilization. As Allah is the lord of mankind and the One worthy of man’s worship, it is Him who legislates for them laws that raise humanity an achieve their welfare and happiness for them in this world and the one after. Allah recognizes the power of sexual need, but the subject is discussed in the Allah and the saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in a serious manner, in regard to marital and family life.

The sexual aspect of life in Allah has three basic purposes: 1) Fulfillement of one’s desire, satisfaction of one’s sexual pleasure, and enjoyment of this blessing so as to lead a balanced happy life, with positive effect on oneself and others. 2) Ejection of bodily fluids from the body; otherwise suppression or retention of semen can cause various kinds of serious illness namely; pelvic congestion and its well-being-threatening sequences especially prostatitis. 3) Conservation of human race and continuity of its kind until it reaches the total number of human beings intended by Allah leave to experience life in this world, to fulfill the divine purpose, and to show gratitude to its creator.

Allah’s Acknowledgment of Inclinations and Urges: Allah words: 1) “Made tempting to people is the love of lusts, women, and children, heaped up hoards of gold and silver, choicest horses, cattle and crops. Such is the enjoyment of the life of this world, but the everlasting and best abode is with Allah” (3:14) 2) “And there is no blame on you if you make an indirect proposal of marriage to widowed women during their waiting terms, or keep it concealed in your hearts for Allah knows that you will think of them, but do not make any secret engagement with them, except to speak of righteousness…” (2:235) 3) “And the woman of the house he was living in began to tempt him and totally locked the doors on them, and she said: ‘come take me’, he said: I seek refuge in Allah, he is my lord who has given me a good abode…” (12:23). 4) “So when she heard about their sly talk, she sent for them and she gave each one of them a knife and she sad: ‘Coe forth Joseph before them; so when they saw him, they were so carried away in admiration for him that they cut their hands unknowingly and they said: ‘God forbid! This cannot be human, he must be an honorable angel” (12:31). 5) “It is lawful for you, on the nights of fasting to approach your wives, they are your garments and you are their garments; Allah knows that you were betraying yourselves, but he has turned to you and pardoned you, so now approach them and seek what Allah has ordained for you…” (2:187). 6) “If you fear Allah, speak not in an affected tone, so that he in whose heart is a disease may yearn; but tell honorable words (with clear meanings)” (33:32). 7) “And from HIS signs (miracles) is that HE created for yourselves spouses, for you to find serenity with them and he has set between you affection and mercy..” (30:21)

The Sunnah (Mohamed sayings): 1) Describing the events of an actual intercourse, prophet Mohamed (PBUH) said: “…marriage is not complete until she tastes the honey of her husband and he tastes her honey”. Mentioning the equality in needs and interests and also in the ways of having fun, satisfaction and fulfillment. 2) “Five practices are basic instinctive characteristics: circumcision (male), shaving pubic region, clipping the nails and cutting the moustaches short” 3) “If you enter your town by night after coming from a journey, do not enter upon your family till the woman whose husband was absent shaves the pubic hair and the woman with unkept hair to comb her hair” 4) When one of you (means Muslim men) sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart”. 5) “Whoever claims himself to be a good follower of mine, let him have a spouse”. 6) Prophet Mohamed was about to go into a Holy battle, then he said to the group of Muslim members of his army: “whoever is engaged to marriage and did not yet marry, let him not come with me nor follow me”. 7) Othman ben Madhoun (one of the followers) said: “Allah Messenger (PBUH) refused his permission for sexual abstinence” and he added: if he had approved, we would have had castration done. And the purpose of refusing permitting sexual abstinence is the refusal of prohibiting what Allah permitted.

8) Jabir ben Abdallah (a young companion of the holy prophet who was in his early twenties or late teens at that time) narrated: “while we were returning from a ‘ghazwa’ (holy battle) with Prophet (PBUH), I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel, a rider came behind me and bricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet (PBUH) himself. He said: ‘what makes you run in such a hurry?’ I replied: ‘I am newly married’. He said: “Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied: ‘a matron’. He said: ‘Why didn’t you marry a virgin so that you may play with her and she with you?’ I said: ‘o Allah messenger; my parents passed away leaving 9 sisters and me, so I pitied a virgin for taking that huge responsibility of taking care of my 9 younger sisters’ He said: ‘God bless you’. And he gave me the permission to precede the rest of the army, and advised me saying: ‘but make it so that you may enter Madina at night for your wife to get ready for you.

Muslim Women, Virginity and Chastity

In many Muslim societies purity and chastity before marriage are considered imperative. From an early age girls learn about eib (shame) and sharaf (honor). They are taught to dress modestly, lower their eyes when in public and above all else to remain a virgin until they are married.

The Qur’an has several verses that address a woman’ chastity, including: 1) “.. and those men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who remember Allah oftenly, for them, Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward…” (33:35); 2) “And Mary the daughter of Imran, who guarded her chastity, so we breathed into her of our spirit, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His Books, and she was of the obedients” (66:12)

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: With regard to love and chastity, the relevant social regulations can be either explicit or implicit in moral terms. Where these are explicitly regulated, women may be assigned an elevated position in society, so that they are ordinarily not approachable by men. In the other situation, where love and chastity are implicitly promoted; but not regulated, women's position is subject to the utter tedium of placing themselves at the disposal and protection of their men (which is the situation in most of places on earth nowadays). [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

In many places women can easily get operations to reconstitute their hymens and get medical certificates that state they are virgins. Hymenoplasty is the name of the surgical procedure that reconstructs the membranes of the hymen after it has been broken usually after sexual intercourse

Women and Honor in Muslim Societies

Honor — based more on tribal customs rather than Islamic doctrine — is linked to a woman's purity and based on the fact she is weak and needs a man's protection. In some societies, rape and being raped is regarded as worse than murder. Any affront on a woman's honor is something that must be avenged. Women are guarded and secluded in some Muslim societies because if they do anything regarded as unchaste or impure it dishonors their entire family. Female chastity and the appearance of chastity lie at the foundation of the Arab code of honor and the codes of honor of other cultures that embrace Islam.

The Muslim extremist belief seems to be that the honor of women is upheld by imprisoning them. The “protecting” is done by fathers, brothers and husbands. Explaining how honor works, a feminist Turkish lawyer told the Los Angeles Times, “It is a virtue that only a man can possess and that can only be soiled by a female body. It is a notion that was concocted by men to ensure their continued domination over tribe and society long before Islam was ever introduced."

In families where honor is held at a premium, brothers follow their sisters around like private detectives, on the lookout for any questionable behavior. A French woman born to Algerian parents told the International Herald Tribune: “Until I was 17 my older brother hit me”for being in the street, or for visiting friends, or for wearing makeup, all the normal things French girls did. For a long time I tried to keep my head down, like all the other submissive women hidden in their homes."

A lawyer explained how honor affects all the women in a family. “A stained reputation means that other unmarried girls in the family will never find suitors until it is cleansed," she said. “If a woman has no skills, no education, her honor is her only currency in the marriage market." Many girls are told the story of a girl who killed herself after she was raped so as not to stain her family's honor. For this she was buried in gold. By contrast, girls who bring shame to their families are buried unceremoniously in unmarked graves.

Islamic Beliefs About Controlling Sexual Desires

According to “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”:Islam does not deny or even try to suppress sexual desires. It merely tries to regulate them so they find a proper, healthy outlet within the framework of a sound, rational social system. As a general rule, Islam does not try to impose unrealistic, impractical, and purely idealistic demands, which can neither be met nor withstand the test of time and reality. But if it does not attempt to impose unreasonable prohibitions, it is also leery of permissiveness.[Source: “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

For the Muslim believer, sexuality must find its expression within the family, where men and women are the shepherds, responsible for the well-being of the society. It is only within the bounds of the family that the reproductive process should take place. Though sexuality is pleasurable, it must be kept within the bounds of responsibility and morality.

Islam recognizes the power of seduction, the temptation of the sexual urge, and the human desire for love and companionship. Men and women are naturally attracted to each other, but this affectionate relationship should be conducted within and through the acceptable channel of marriage. For this reason, Muslims are encouraged to marry at the earliest possible opportunity. The Prophet stated that "whoever gets married completes half of his (or her) faith." He also warned that "whoever can afford marriage and refrains from doing so is not one of us." If perchance one lacks the wherewithall to marry, that individual is to remain chaste until God has rewarded him with the ability to get married.

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: Islam teaches human beings to overcome the natural predisposition of the bodily sensuality to rule over any sensibility of the mind. In other words, an individual must not be led by his natural instincts, but manage the same in a wholesome manner. As mentioned earlier, Islam does not preach any ascetic suppression of concupiscence or natural desires. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

When a person is commanded by his instincts, he or she evidences a disorderly manifestation of human physiology, a disruptive and overwhelming influence capable of affecting human conscience. Not allowing instincts to sway one's conscience necessarily implies pacifying and quenching the natural outpourings of carnal desire, or offsetting the palpability to temptation, emotional disorders or even sexual promiscuity. On the other hand, what is required, is it to eliminate the internal causes and tendencies? This is necessary to avoid malignant development of the libido. Vulnerability to any undesirable external influences is also overcome in the process. A wholesome development of human instincts is a process requiring either a salutary compliance or a moral inhibition of their negative upsurge depending on their nature and content.

Allah instructs parents to separate their children in their beds by the age of ten in order to avoid sexual experiences, which may result from childhood experimentation. In the purpose of being moderate in everything as Islam always advises, some learned predecessors have concluded that the human being should pledge: 1) To walk a certain minimum distance everyday; 2) To free his stomach at regular intervals and not to extend fasting from food beyond the religious requirements; 3) Not to abstain from having a lawful sexual intercourse, for the extra quantity of semen, as well as for its drainage and renewal to be regular.

Qur’an on Sex Organs

The following are some Qur’an verses mentioning sexual organs and some comentary on them: “And O Adam, dwell you and your wife in the paradise and you may eat from anywhere you desire, but do not even approach this tree, or you would be of the evildoers (19) But Satan whispered to them so that he might lead them to see their ‘shameful parts’ which had been hidden for them, and said to them: ‘your Lord has only forbidden you to approach this tree lest you become monarchs everlasting and immortals (20) Then Satan swore to them, truly I am for you a sincere advisor (21) Thus he caused them to fall by delusion, and when they tasted the tree, their shameful parts appeared to them and they hurried to cover themselves with leaves from the paradise and their Lord called to them: ‘Did I not forbid you from that tree and say that Satan is an evident enemy to you? (22) (7:19-22). [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: We notice here that God described the sex organs hereabove as shameful parts being exposed publicly, so Allah, this behavior is so depreciated and humiliated by Allah having been done out of the right situation it has to be taken over into, that is Marriage. On the other hand, let us carefully notice mentioning of the same parts in believers and followers and let us admire choosing the decent words defining them: “Say to the believing men that they cast down their glances (gazes) and guard their chastity, that is more pure for them. Indeed Allah is well aware of what they do (30) And say to the believing women to cast down their glances and guard their chastity and reveal not their adornment except that which must appear, and let them draw their veils around their garments over their chests and not reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, or believing women, or what their right hands possess of women, or male servants (eunuch) proven free of sexual desire, or young children who have no sense of the private parts…(31) (24:30&31)

Hereabove as we can see, there is a very precise limitation of whom women could be non-veiled in their presence, as God, being their creator, knows that these forbidden relationship denies the sense of sexual arousal between interrelated persons, preconditioned of course that these have to be emotionally balanced personalities

“….and guard their chastity(5) Except for their spouses and whom their right hands possess (whom they own as slaves) for that they are not to be blamed (6) And whoever goes beyond that, those are the transgressors (7) (23:5-7)

How a Muslim Man Should Treat His Wife Sexually

Minangkabau wedding

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just there to satisfy a man’s natural urges. On the contrary, her body contains a soul no less important in God’s sight than her husband’s. Her heart is very tender and delicate, and crude or rough manners would hurt her feelings and drive away love. The husband would be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament, and a man selfishly seeking his own satisfaction without considering that of his wife is a selfish boor. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

In fact, according to a hadith narrated by Daylami: “Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him.” This is another of the things implied by the saying that one’s wife is “a tilth unto you.” (2:223) The imagery is that of a farmer taking care of his fields. According to Abul-Ala Mawdudi (a big Islamic knower):

“The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not run riot.” Likewise, in the case of husband and wife, the husband should not just: “Take hold of his wife and rub the seed and finish the business of procreation. The damage in this case could sometimes be irreparable, because a woman, unlike a farm, is very sensitive and has emotions, feelings, and strong passions which need full satisfaction and attention in a proper and appropriate manner.”

The Qur’an reads: “Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity” (7:189) According to a hadith narrated by Daylami: “Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” “And what is that messenger?” they asked, and he replied: “Kisses and words.” As Imam al-Ghazali says: “Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing,” and Imam al-Zabidi adds: “This should include not only the cheeks and lips; and then he should caress the breasts and nipples, and every part of her body.” Most men will not need telling this; but it should be remembered that failure to observe this Islamic practice is to neglect or deny the way Allah has created women.

Arabic Swear Words and Expressions

Arabic Swear word — English Translation: Airi Fe Sabahak: My dick on your forehead; Neek rasi: Fuck my skull; Yla'an haramak: Damn your spouse; Kos okht ile nafadak: Fuck he who brought you to this life; Aire fe mabda'ak: My dick in your principles; Toj koo' mas: Come suck my penis; Zobree akbar minak: My dick is longer than you; Ya manache'h: Fag, gay; Air il'e yoshmotak: May you be struck by a dick; Air il'e yeba'atak: May you be stabbed by a dick; Fatah: Foreskin (considered a grave insult); Ah dena mukk: Damn your mother's religion; Ahhlass: Shut up; Koos: Cunt, pussy; Yebnen kelp: Son of a dog; Nikomak: Fuck your mother; Sharmoota (or Sharmuta): Whore, bitch; Gahba: Whore, bitch; Shlicke: Slut; Ahbe: Slut; Zarba: Shit; Khara: Shit; Kis: Vagina;

Elif air ab tizak: A thousand dicks in your ass; Elif air ab dinikh: A thousand dicks in your religion; Kisich: Pussy; Mos zibbi: Suck my dick; Waj ab zibik: An infection to your dick; Kelbeh: Bitch; Kul khara: Eat shit; Kanith: Fucker; Kwanii: Faggot; Ya Khawal: Faggot; Bouse Tizi: Kiss my ass; Ebn el metnakah: Son of a motherfucker; Inti sharmoota: You're a whore; Inta sharmoot: You're a male whore; Inta humar: You are a donkey (idiot: to a man); Inti humara: You are a donkey (idiot: to a woman); Inta shaz: You are a pervert; Gildak khashina awee: Your skin is very rough; Ikla hudumak: Take off your clothes; Aiyz temus?: Would you like a blow job?; Takhi: Bend over; Mus zibii: Suck my cock; Boos zibbi: Kiss my cock; Teazak: Ass; Kara: Ass; Teez: Ass; Zubrak: Penis, Cock, Dick; Mekyad: Penis, Cock, Dick; Ayir: Penis, Cock, Dick; Zibbi: Penis, Cock, Dick; Zib: Penis, Cock, Dick; Zabourah: Penis, Cock, Dick;

Elhasi teezi: Lick my ass; Reh tak khara: You smell like shit; In'a'al mayteen ehlak: Damn your dead; Bi kem el sharmoota di?: How much is this whore?; Kul khara we moot: Eat shit and die; Said bousak: Shut your mouth; El hass hasawee: Lick my bollocks; El hass el err: Lick my dick; Rouh ya Ayr: Get lost, you prick; Maniak: Active homosexual; Khanzeera al matina: Pig in the mud (to a woman); Inta khaywan: Animal (to a man); Moomkin almiss bizazeek?: May I touch your breasts?; Aiza ta'mili hagat wiskha ma'aya?: Would you like to do dirty things with me?; Bit tifi wela bit tibla'ee?: Do you spit or swallow?; Kess emmak: Your mother's genitals; Kess ekhtak: Your sister's genitals; Eyreh feek: My cock in you; Eyreh be afass seder emmak: My dick in your mother's rib cage; Akhu sharmoota: Brother of a whore; Ibn haram: Bastard (lit. son of sin); Kalb: Dog; Kis em ick: Go fuck your mom; Gawwad: Pimp; Khaswaat: Penis; Inta Khawal: You are a fag; El Khara Dah?: What is this shit?; Inti mafish Mukh: You have no brains; Hmar: Jackass; Teezak jiyef: Your ass stinks; Yakhreb beytak: Ruin to your house/family; Yahreq deenak: May He burn your religion; Yen 'aal deek ommack: You're an idiot (to a male); Yen 'aal deen ommak: Damn your mother's rooster; Enta ghebee: Damn your mother's faith;

Arie Fique: Fuck you; Koos mahrt ahbook: Your father's wife's pussy; Looty: Fag, gay; Bala ya khumak: May you get swept by a catastrophe; Aneekak: Fuck you; Hak arkab: Come get fucked; Inta wihish: You are ugly; Askut: Shut up; In'al yomak: Curse the day you were born; Zift: Idiot; Wad al haram: Bastard; Ia akho el-aibe eshaibe: Your sister is a slut; Ia eben balaet ezeb: Your mother sucking a dick; Fadak: An old male punter (client of a prostitute); Doe-deki: A young male punter (client of a prostitute); Bizzaz immak ala amood: Your mom's tits are on a pole; Khara alayk: Shit on you; Kir tu cheshet: Dick in your eye; Akho Sharmuta: Brother of a whore; Ayre feek: Fuck you; Fikk wle: Go away, fuck off; Kol ayre wle: Shut up, fuck off; Bidde neek immak: Fuck your mother's cunt; Ana akhannethak: Fuck you; Airy Fik (pronounced Eye ree feek): Fuck you (lit. My Dick in you); Barboog: Prostitute; Zeb omak: Your mum's dick; Oomak tilhas zibi: Your mum sucks dick; Kool zigaan: Eat shit; Yela'an sabe'a jad lak: Damn your seventh grandfather; Ya khorg: Asshole; Lahis zubi: Suck my dick; Aars: Pimp; Meaaaras: Pimp; Yelaan kos omak: Damn your mother's cunt; Zanya: Adulteress; Yabdulh: Get away (lit. balls); Del Haz Bediate: Suck my balls; Aneechik: I'll fuck you; A tabbub zibby ib teezik: I'll insert my dick in your ass; (Inta) Ibn Al-Himar: (You are) a son of a donkey; (Itna) Ibn Al-Kalb: (You are) a son of a canine/dog; Allah Yela'an...(add name): May the Lord curse...(add name); Kiramo Bemek: Suck my dick; Koondeh: Faggot; Kir to koone nanat: Dick up your mother's ass; Surmayye a'raasac: A shoe is on your head (bad insult in Arabic); Akroot: Male whore; Akrooteh: Female whore; Tubjee: Fag (lit. he who sucks a dick); Mos eri: Suck my dick; Mos era: Suck a dick; Aleph Aeer Eb Koos Omak: 1000 dicks in your mama's pussy;

Arabic Swear Word Phrases

obscene gesture in some places in the Middle East

Edash bet kalef bentok?: How much for your daughter?; Eyre be imak ya akhu sharmut!: Penis in your mother's ass!; Yin el imek ya bint il sharmoota: Damn your mom, you daughter of a bitch. Kus Abouk: Fuck your dad; Kus Omak: Fuck your mom; Kus Ukhtak: Fuck your sister; Ana Aneek Amouk!: I'll fuck your mother!; Kekri Gahba: Gay Whore; Boofta: Transvestite; Zamel: Gay ass. Gahba: Slut, whore, prostitute; Miboon: Faggot; Fased: A person who has been fucked a lot. Yabn Deen El kalb(a): You, son of the religion of a dog/bitch. Yela'an Mayteen Ahlak: God damn the dead of your family. Haneek rabbak: I'll fuck your God. Haneek Afkar Omak: I'll fuck your mother's thoughts. Haneek Omm elly Khalefetak: I'll fuck you and your grandma. Haneek elly yetchad ded lak: I'll fuck you and your friends. Hottaha fi teezak: Stick it up your ass. Zeb Abouya Fi koss Omak: My dad's dick is in your Mom's twat.

Bedi ikhra aleki ya shloke: I'll shit on you (to a female); Ayri b' shaklak: My dick in your appearance; Akho shlickeh: Brother of a whore; 'ars: Pimp; Ikhlassy akhrasi ya sharmoot wa iftahy khashmik: Shut up man-bitch and open your mouth; Omak zanya fee erd: Your mother committed adultery with a monkey; Badi lahsak manbat sha'er baidi: I will make you lick the roots of the hairs of my balls; Laitohom ragado: Wish your parents slept that night. (the night you were conceived); Alaan abok labo abook, yabn al gahba okho el gahba, yal manyoch kess ommek o ommen yabetek!: Damn your dad, and his dad you son of a bitch and your sister is a bitch, you fucked up [guy] your mom's cunt and her ancestors!; TDh-fa el fuse: The fuse went went out (Accompanied by an insulting gesture indicating stupidity: pointing to the head and making a motion of cutting a wire with a scissors, implying that there is no power to that person's brain.); Ma fish Kahraba: There is no electricity (Accompanied by an insulting gesture indicating stupidity: pointing to the head, implying that there is no power to that person's brain.);

Kiss ikht yalli bazarak, ya akhou el alf menteki: Fuck your sister, the brother of one thousand whores; Yela'an shifit hifit darabzeen kaskoos immak: Damn your mother's labia; Add ma emmak neketo la bayyak men tizo, hebil fik men bayadto: Your mother fucked your father in the ass so much that he got pregnant and held you in his balls. Una bede et'hash zebe be dant bentok: I wish to place my penis in your daughter's ear. Enta neket emmok oo' khelafto ekhtok: You fucked your mum and she gave birth to your sister. Inta ooh abouk beh ileb ma'a zibkoom chil yaum: You and your dad play with your dicks every day. Bedi hotak ala ras airy: I will put you on the tip of my dick; Maftooha: A deflowered girl; Airy yehreek: My dick will wear you out; Aneek Omak: Fuck your mum;

Airy fe dameerak: My dick in your conscience; Kiss wayhik: Your face's pussy; Kis ahlik: Your family's pussy; Rito sitteen alf air yoroso dabke a kis emmak: I hope that 60000 dicks will dance on your mother's pussy; Shem et Duat: Go to hell; Kuss mm-ak ya'arku shar mouteh: Fuck you, mother fucker; Kiss oumm yally bazarak: Fuck who gave birth to you; Aneek oummak: Fuck your mother; Airy be oummak: My dick in your mother; Airy bi mafrat bazazik: My dick between your tits (titty fuck); Airi fee kus imak eil sharmoota: My dick in your mom's pussy, you son of a bitch; Koss ommak ala air jamal mayyet: Your mother's pussy on a dead camel's dick; Kafekom kalaman bel Arabia ya hi wah naht!: Stop speaking in Arabic, you animals!; Kl zegg: Eat shit; Ya mnyakah: You fag; Ya jrar: You pimp; Ya gawad: You pimp; Ihir: Pussy; Aneekik o aneek ummk o obook o ahlk klhm means: I'll fuck you and fuck your mom, dad and your whole family; Mzghabah: Fag; Bkem al lailah?: How much is one night?; Musi o anti saktah: Shut up and suck (girl); Mus o ant sakit: Shut up and suck (man); Tfoo ala wishak: I spit in your face; Yin'al mayteenak: Damn your dead ancestors; Yin'al saleebak: Fuck your cross; Rooh fi siteen alf dahya: Get lost into 60,000 disasters; Kuss Ummak Bisinaan: Your mother's pussy has teeth;

Sex Education in Islam

Ibn al-Quyem in his book,“Prophetic Medicine”, assigned a full chapter to discussing the Islamic attitude to sexual and marital life. Some of the main points in regard to sex education are: 1) Sex is never discussed in isolation for its sake or mere pleasure. It is always related to marital life and family life. It is viewed as a superior human relationship subject to strict regulations. Thus sex within a marital relationship is a worship that is rewarded. Outside a marital relationship sex is a punishable sin. 2) Sex is privacy between the spouses. What goes on is confidential and should not be divulged to outside parties. The human factor in marital and sexual relationship is superior to mere pleasure. 3) Like the rest of Islamic teaching, knowledge about those verses and Traditions on the subject is not age-specific and is not meant to start at a certain age. As the Muslim is learning the Qur’an and Sunnah he or she will come across these teachings. [Source: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]

Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: Concerning adolescents and youth, How does Islam equip them to deal with the pressures of a promiscus society, especially in cases of these Muslims being living in some communities where nearly all their peers are sexually active? As children get older and older and more able to mentally handle the subject, sex should be taught....Virginity at the time of marriage is considered a virtue in Islamic morality, but a disadvantage in the west. No wonder less than 10 percent of western brides (European and American) are virgins.

condom factory in Iran

Although the Qur’an has placed so much emphasis on acquiring knowledge, and in the days of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) Muslim men and women were never too shy to ask him about all affairs, including such private affairs as sexual life, so as to know the teachings and rulings of their religion concerning them. As Aisha, the wife of the prophet testified, "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madina). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion." (Narrated by All except Termizi). The way the ladies asked the prophet-directly or through his wives is a proof that sexual matters were not taboo but were fully acknowledged and respected. "Shyness is part of the faith" as the prophet taught, but he also taught, "There is no shyness in matters of religion" even entailing the delicate aspects of sexual life.

For some Muslim parents of today, sex is a dirty word. They feel uncomfortable in discussing sex education with their children, but do not mind the same being taught at their children's school by secular or non-Muslim teachers, by their peers of either sex, and by the media and television. Teens and adolescents will be always curious and they will search for answers. If they have nowhere or no one reliable to go to because of embarrassment they will go to more readily available –yet unreliable- source. This might end doing more harm than good. So, Islamic-based sex information could benefit everyone; parents and kids just alike.

These parents should know that sex is not always a dirty word. It is a very important instinct and demand of ours. God Who cares for all the aspects of our life, and not just the way of worshipping Him, discusses reproduction, creation, family life, menstruation and even ejaculation in the Qur’an. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), who was sent to us as an example, discussed many aspects of sexual life including sexual positions with his Companions. The main reason Muslim parents do not or cannot discuss sex education with their children is because of the their cultural upbringing, not their religious training. They are often brought up in a state of ignorance in regard to sex issues. As a result, they may not be comfortable with their own sexuality or its expression. They leave Islamic education to Islamic classes and sex education to schools (if any) as well as the media.

It is our firm belief that facts about sex should be taught to children in a way commensurate with their age as they grow up both by the family and the school. We emphasize that this should be done within the total context of Islamic ideology and Islamic teaching in the Muslim societies, so that the youth-beside getting the correct physiologic knowledge become fully aware on the sanctity of the sexual relation in Islam and the grave sin of blemishing such sanctity whether under Islamic law, or far more important in the sight of God. Provided the Islamic conscience is developed we see no reason to shun sex education (which is unfortunately the rule in many Muslim countries), and we believe it is better to give the correct teaching rather than leave this to chance and to incorrect sources and to the concomitant feeling of guilt by the hush-hush atmosphere in which this is done.

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons except Iran condom factory, AP and Columbia University

Text Sources: “Sexuality in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D at Archive for Sexology sexarchive.info Arab News, Jeddah; “Islam, a Short History” by Karen Armstrong; “A History of the Arab Peoples” by Albert Hourani (Faber and Faber, 1991); “World Religions” edited by Geoffrey Parrinder (Facts on File Publications, New York); “Encyclopedia of the World’s Religions” edited by R.C. Zaehner (Barnes & Noble Books, 1959); Metropolitan Museum of Art, Encyclopedia.com, National Geographic, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, The Guardian, Al Jazeera, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Library of Congress and various books and other publications.

Last updated April 2024