Family and Children in the Arab-Muslim World | Middle East And North Africa

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MUSLIM FAMILY LIFE

Muhammad as a baby

According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”: As in most societies, the early form of the family in Islam was patriarchal and patrilineal. (The term "patriarch," referring to Jewish and Christian prophets, exemplifies this tendency.)Islam, however, brought significant changes to the seventh-century Arabian family, significantly enhancing the status of women and children. [Source: John L. Esposito “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, 2000s, Encyclopedia.com]

In Muslim countries, to a greater extent than in the West, the extended family, which includes grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, has traditionally provided its members with counseling, child care, financial assistance, insurance, and social security. Women in the family have always been seen as the bearers of culture, the center of the family unit that provides a force for moral and social order and the means of stability for the next generation.

In the nineteenth century the family provided religious, cultural, and social protection from colonial and Western domination, as well as a site for political resistance. In a rapidly changing, unpredictable, and sometimes hostile twentieth century, the family in many Muslim countries came to face economic and political and personal pressures brought about by unemployment and economic need and by disruption from war and forced migration. Debates throughout the Muslim world center on better family support from the state, as well as the changing roles and rights of men, women, and children.

Websites and Resources: Islam IslamOnline islamonline.net ; Institute for Social Policy and Understanding ispu.org; Islam.com islam.com ; Islamic City islamicity.com ; BBC article bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam ; University of Southern California Compendium of Muslim Texts web.archive.org ; Encyclopædia Britannica article on Islam britannica.com ; Islam at Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org ; Muslims: PBS Frontline documentary pbs.org frontline

Arabs: Wikipedia article Wikipedia ; Who Is an Arab? africa.upenn.edu ; Encyclopædia Britannica article britannica.com ; Arab Cultural Awareness fas.org/irp/agency/army ; Arab Cultural Center arabculturalcenter.org ; 'Face' Among the Arabs, CIA cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence ; Arab American Institute aaiusa.org/arts-and-culture ; Introduction to the Arabic Language al-bab.com/arabic-language ; Wikipedia article on the Arabic language Wikipedia

Family and Islamic Law

Charles F. Gallagher wrote in the “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”: The divine commands laid down in the Qur’an and the sunnah not only concern God and man but also order the social relationships among men and are especially explicit about matters pertaining to the family, marriage, divorce, and inheritance. The Muslim family is the re-creation of the Arab family within the ethical confines of Islam. Thus it is authoritarian, patriarchal, polygamous, patrilineal, and largely patrilocal, with vestigial survivals of what appears to be an earlier matrilineal kinship system reflected in the prominent position of the maternal uncle. [Source: Charles F. Gallagher, “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”, 1960s, Encyclopedia.com]

According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”: Islamic law views the relationship of husband and wife as complementary, reflecting their differing capacities, characteristics, and dispositions, as well as the different traditional roles of men and women in the patriarchal family. In the public sphere, the primary arena for the man, the husband is responsible for the support and protection of the family. The woman's primary role of wife and mother requires that she manage the household and supervise the upbringing and religious training of their children. Both men and women are seen as equal before God, having the same religious responsibilities and equally required to lead virtuous lives, but women are viewed as subordinate in family matters and society because of their more sheltered and protected lives and because of a man's greater economic responsibilities in the extended family. [Source: John L. Esposito “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, 2000s, Encyclopedia.com]

Muslim Married Life

Arab boy and girl

A Muslim bride traditionally moved into the house of her husband’s family and was expected to do everything she was told by her mother-in-law. If the bride was strong willed and refused to play the servant role to her mother-in-law all hell could break loose. This arrangement and conflict still exists today.

According to Muslim law, a wife must be obedient to her husband and is expected to turn over all the money she makes to him but in return she has the right to suitable clothes, living conditions and sexual intercourse with her husband. Muslim tradition often affords near total discretion on matters of marriage, family and divorce. Wife beating, for example, is considered a private matter that authorities should keep out of.

Newly married couple have traditionally lived for some time in the home or village of the husband's father. "Until a son is two years old, or a daughter is seven, the child is in the mother's care. Then the child enters the custody of the father or a “ wali” , a legally appointed guardian. The father or wali has full power over children in arranging their marriage or divorces."

Shazia Mirza, a Pakistani-British comedian said: “My mum would admit she’s had a dreadful life...Of course she had an arranged marriage. She’s been depressed, oppressed, regressed...Women are meant to be grateful. My father was a chauvinist. That was normal...I’d go to houses of my aunties and uncles and all the women would be in the kitchen.”

If a marriage becomes intolerable, the Qur’an states that two arbiters should be appointed, one of each of the spouse’s family, to work out the couple’s problems

Traditional Muslim Family Values

Throughout the Muslim world, the family, which is the centerpiece of society, is unmistakably patriarchal, and usually the oldest male is the head of the family. However, tradition, as well as social and financial status, may determine both headship and succession. Because Muslims like to keep their families close and intact, the preferred marriage is between first cousins, especially children of brothers. Marriage is regarded not merely as a bond between a man and a woman but also as a union between families, clans, and tribes. [Source: “Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia”, Haeberle, Erwin J., Bullough, Vern L. and Bonnie Bullough, eds., sexarchive.info]

Among Muslims, great emphasis is placed on female chastity, purity, modesty, and even (in some areas) complete seclusion and veiling. A matter of constant and permanent concern to Muslim men is the conduct of women, since what they do affects and reflects the family's reputation. The whole family, or in some cases even a village, may be dishonored by the misconduct of a female member. Sometimes, friends assume the role of protectors or guardians of the community's honor. The focus is on the female and not the male because it is widely believed that she is primarily responsible for any relationship with the male. Because consent rather than coercion is the rule, it is her responsibility to ward off any unwanted advances. Men are chastised only for extramarital activities, although women are generally treated more harshly and strictly.

Muslim Rites of Passage

Muslims generally follow a number of rituals in connection with important life events. For example, when a baby is born, the father whispers the Muslim call to prayer into the baby's right ear. Usually within seven days, babies are given a name. According to the “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”: Life cycle rituals in Islam serve to provide meaning and reinforce an individual and communal worldview. Rites of passage for birth, puberty, marriage, and death symbolize the theme that a Muslim's purpose is to serve God by submission and thanksgiving. Names for babies are often derived from those of the prophets or their wives or companions, or a name is formed from the prefix abd (servant) and an attribute of God, such as "servant of the Almighty" (Abd al-Aziz). In addition, a goat or sheep is sacrificed to express gratitude to God and joy at the birth, as well as to form an association with Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son for God. Although circumcision of males is sometimes practiced, it has no doctrinal basis in Islam and is viewed as an act of hygiene. Puberty, the entrance into adulthood, represents the beginning of religious and social responsibility, the obligation to perform purification rituals to ensure physical cleanliness and daily prayers, and participation in the fast during Ramadan. [Source: John L. Esposito “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, 2000s, Encyclopedia.com]

Charles F. Gallagher wrote in the “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”: The male child is closely dependent on his mother and the women of the household. They take care of him until about the age of seven, when he begins his life as a young man, a step traditionally signaled either by his taking up work with his father or an uncle or by his starting religious instruction at school. Circumcision is normally carried out at this time, although in some areas it is practiced shortly after birth. The festivities surrounding circumcision make it a rite of passage equivalent only to marriage in popular Muslim custom. [Source: Charles F. Gallagher, “International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences”, 1960s, Encyclopedia.com]

Muslim wedding rituals vary widely by culture, but marriages tend to be regarded less as "love matches" and more as contracts that spell out the legal rights and responsibilities of the bride and groom, who in many cases have been brought together by parents and family. Divorce is allowed. The Muslim wedding ceremony, called a nikah, is generally a simple affair, and Islamic law does not even require the presence of a cleric.One major requirement, however, is that the marriage be declared publicly; secret marriages are forbidden. One way to make the marriage public is through a wedding feast called a walimah, where the couple declare their marriage.

Arab and Muslim Men

Traditionally Arab men liked to gather in the shade of tents and the aroma of incense, sharing tea, coffee and fruit while conversing about camels and issues of the day.

On her experience meeting men through a Muslim dating app, Tanaz Ahmed wrote in the Washington Post: “There was one man who lived in my vicinity, but it sounded like he essentially wanted a Muslim woman to babysit his future children. I didn’t accept his offer to connect on the site, and he proceeded to send me a request to chat every day until I left the site. However, he wasn’t the one who persuaded me to leave the site; it was a boy who didn’t even say hello, but launched right into talking about our ages and asking me whether I’d be willing to move to his city, in a different country. He was straightforward and had an equally linear understanding of everything from politics to marriage. To him, all of America was racist, so there was no point in me living there. . [Source: Tanaz Ahmed, Washington Post, August 24, 2016]

Why did he want to get married?, I asked. He was ready to be a husband and father and to “take care of someone.” That was it, and it didn’t matter that he was still a teenager. I shouldn’t have accepted his connection request in the first place, but I was curious. If a guy who hadn’t even graduated from high school yet wanted to get married, where did that leave me?

Children in the Arab-Muslim World

Children are greatly cherished in Muslim cultures and are regarded as a family’s greatest asset. Children have traditionally been valued as a work force and security for parents when the reach old age. The Qur’an repeatedly mentions the obedience of children to their parents. Management of the property of minors is controlled by the father or other male kinsmen.

Births, especially those of boys, are celebrated events and are often accompanied by non-Islamic rituals such as burying the mother’s placenta to protect the mother and her baby from evil spirits. A child’s first possession is often an amulet to ward of malevolence. Great effort is made to make sure the first words a baby hears are Allah. Arabs tend to not praise their children directly, which is regarded as bad luck. Instead they attribute the good qualities to God. When the hair of a child is cut for the first time. the weight of the hair in silver is supposed to be distributed among the poor.

Islamic law allows adoptions but distinguished them greatly from true kin. Adopted children according to Muslim law have no inheritance rights. Children who have a foreign parent are often denied citizenship. Among other things this sometimes means they can not enroll school.

According to the Encyclopedia of World Cultures: “Arab boys and girls are treated very differently. Boys are given great affection and pampered by their mothers. Girls are also given affection but are weaned much earlier than boys and are not pampered...Boys are especially taught—often harshly—to obey and respect older males. “

In rural Arab societies: “Children are given adult responsibilities and sex-specific socialization early in life. Boys works in the fields, and girls help their mothers cook and care for siblings. Adolescents have no contact with the opposite sex outside the family, and girls are watched closely to protect their chastity. A girl’s primary protector is her older brother, who continues to watch over his sister even after she is married.”

Muslim Birth Rites

According to the BBC: “Muslims have some very simple rites for welcoming a child. The Muslim call to prayer or adhaan ("God is great, there is no God but Allah. Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Come to prayer.") are the first words a newborn Muslim baby should hear. They are whispered into the right ear of the child by his or her father. [Source: BBC, August 18, 2009 |::|]

“The baby's first taste should be something sweet, so parents may chew a piece of date and rub the juice along the baby's gums. It was a practice carried out by the Prophet Muhammad and is believed to help tiny digestive systems to kick in. |::|

“There are a number of events that take place on or after the seventh day. After seven days the baby's head is shaved (a tradition also carried out by Hindus). This is to show that the child is the servant of Allah. Although Hindus may take the baby's hair to India and scatter it in the holy river Ganges, Muslims weigh it and give the equivalent weight in silver to charity. |::|

“Ideally, Muslim baby boys are circumcised when they are seven days old although it can take place any time before puberty. It is also tradition to choose a name for the baby on the seventh day. The aqeeqah is also traditionally carried out on the seventh day. This is a celebration which involves the slaughter of sheep. Sheep are sacrificed (in Britain the meat is ordered at the butchers) and the meat is distributed to relatives and neighbours and also given to the poor. |::|

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: Internet Islamic History Sourcebook: sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; Arab News, Jeddah; “Islam, a Short History” by Karen Armstrong; “A History of the Arab Peoples” by Albert Hourani (Faber and Faber, 1991); “World Religions” edited by Geoffrey Parrinder (Facts on File Publications, New York); “Encyclopedia of the World’s Religions” edited by R.C. Zaehner (Barnes & Noble Books, 1959); Metropolitan Museum of Art, Encyclopedia.com, National Geographic, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, The Guardian, Al Jazeera, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Library of Congress and various books and other publications.

Last updated April 2024