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MUHAMMAD’S MARRIAGES
By one count Muhammad had 11 wives. Most of them were older. He married many of them for political reasons, mostly to forge ties with other tribes, and endorsed the polygamy as way of supporting widows.
Dr. Heba G. Kotb wrote: Muhammad was married to one wife, Khadijah, until she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife — from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of polygamy mentioned in the Qur’an (4:3). This perfect example tells us that a man must give his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to raise a happy and wholesome family. [Source: “Sexualiy in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]
Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans, there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he would marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from the ruler of Egypt.
Websites on Muhammad: Encyclopædia Britannica britannica.com ; Muhammad: Legacy of a Prophet — PBS Site pbs.org/muhammad ; Prophet Muhammad prophetmuhammad.com; Islamic History: History of Islam: An encyclopedia of Islamic history historyofislam.com ; Oxford Encyclopedia of the Islamic World oxfordislamicstudies.com ; Sacred Footsetps sacredfootsteps.com ; Internet Islamic History Sourcebook fordham.edu/halsall/islam/islamsbook ; Islam IslamOnline islamonline.net ; Institute for Social Policy and Understanding ispu.org; Islam.com islam.com ; BBC article bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam ; Islam at Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org
Muhammad and Women
Muhammad liked the company of women, sought their advise and helped with household chores. There are stories in the Qur’an of him competing against his wives in archery, horseback riding and swimming. Muhammad decreed sexual fulfillment was a woman’s right. The women associated with him were often strong and independent and stood up to him. While Khadija was alive Muhammad did not marry again. When he was banished to Medina he married again, mostly for political reasons, to forge ties with tribal leaders. His second wife Sawdah was a widow who had just returned from Ethiopia.
Women also played a prominent role in the rise of Islam during Muhammad's life and after his death. 1) Umm Salamah left Mecca for Medina with Muhammad. She even gave up custody of her children to her family and became one of Muhammad's most steadfast supporters. 2) Umm Ammarah, wielding a sword and spear, protected the wounded Muhammad when he and a group of his followers were attacked by the Meccans. Barakah, an African woman who helped take care of Muhammad when he was young, took great risks carrying messages between secret Muslim meeting places in Mecca.[Source: Encyclopedia.com]
In his time, Muhammad wanted to put a stop to all cruelties to women. He preached kindness and mercy towards them and told Muslims: "Fear Allah in respect of women."And: "The best of you are they who behave best to their wives." And: "A Muslim must not hate his wife, and if he be displeased with one bad quality in her, let him be pleased with one that is good." And: "The more civil and kind a Muslim is to his wife, the more perfect in faith he is." [Source: “Sexualiy in Islam” by Heba G. Kotb M.D., A dissertation presented to Maimonides University, 2004]
Muhammad’s Wives and Children
Muhammad’s first wife, Khadija, was a wealthy, twice widowed, businesswoman who proposed to him after she had hired him to help her with a business deal in Syria. He was 25 and she was 40 when they were married. They were married 25 years and had six children. She appears to have been the boss in the family. She hired him to run caravans for her business.
Muhammad’s third (or fifth, depending on the source) and favorite wife, Aisha, was the daughter of his friend Abu Bakr. She was six when she married Muhammad and was nine when the marriage was consummated. As a young adult she was a warrior who once directed troops in a battle from the back of a camel. Muhammad died with his head on her lap.
Muhammad married eight other women, including the daughter of Omar, and had 11 total wives. The later wives tended to be older. None bore Muhammad any children. They became known as “the mother of the believers,” and played a role in spreading the teachings of Islam. His other wives and concubines included an imam and a leatherworker. His daughter Fatima was a skilled political leader. His beautiful and talented granddaughter Sukayna married several times and once insisted in writing that her husband be forbidden from disagreeing with her about anything.
Muhammad and His Nurse (Step Mother)
Maxime Rodinson wrote in “Muhammad”: “According to the Qurayshites' custom, the young Muhammad had a nurse from a nomadic clan. In this way, it was thought, the children of Quraysh would be filled with the pure air of the desert and grow strong. It was also a way of maintaining contact with the nomads- no small consideration, when we remember that foster-brotherhood was regarded as a powerful bond between two men. [Source: Maxime Rodinson (1915-2004), “Muhammad,” Pantheon Books, 1980, Beginning with pp. 38 ^\^]
Muhammad with his wet nurse
"Muhammad's nurse was a woman called Hallma, of the clan of the Banu Sa'd, a branch of the great tribe of Hawazin. She may have been the one mentioned in a traditional story, which I will quote here simply as a typical example of the amazing liveliness of these tales, which is however no guarantee of authenticity. It is recorded in the history of the Prophet and his Companions set down in writing by Ibn Sa 'd at the beginning of the second century of the hegira (the ninth century A.D.).
“We have it from 'Abdallah ibn Numayr al-Hamdani who had it from Yahya ibn Sa'id al-Ansari, that Muhammad ibn alMunkadir used to tell how a woman knocked on the door of the Prophet whose nurse she had been. When she went in he cried out, ' Mother, Mother ! ' and, fetching his cloak, spread it before her, and she sat on it. ^\^
“There is another tale about how the nurse came to choose the child. Ten women of the Banu Sa'd came to Mecca to look for infants to nurse. All found them, except for HIalima bint 'Abdallah, who had with her her husband al-Harith ibn 'Abd al- 'Uzza who was called Abu Dhu 'ayb and their child 'Abdallah ibn al-Harith whom she was suckling and [their daughters] Anisa and Judama, she of the beauty spot who [later] carried Muhammad with her mother and bore him on her hip. The Envoy of Allah was shown to her, but she said: ' An orphan ! And with no money! And what can his mother do?' And the women departed and left her behind. Then Halima said to her husband: 'What do you think? My companions have gone and there is no boy left in Mecca to nurse except this orphan. Shall we take him? I should not like to return home with nothing.' Her husband said to her: ' Take him! Perhaps Allah will make him a blessing to us.' So she returned to the mother and took the child and set him on her lap and gave him her breast until milk trickled down from it. And the Envoy of Allah drank until he was satisfied. And his [foster]-brother also drank. Now this brother was not asleep because he was hungry [because his mother had little milk before this]. And the mother [Amina] said: 'Nurse, question me about your [foster]-son, because he will be great.' And she told her what she had seen and what had been said at the time of his birth.... Halima was happy and rejoiced at all she heard. Then she departed to her own place with the babe. They saddled their she-ass, and Halima mounted, holding the Envoy of Allah before her. Al-Harith rode on their aged camel. They caught up with their companions at Wadi Sirar.... 'Halima,' they said, 'what have you done?' And she answered: ' By God, I have taken the fairest babe that ever I saw, and he with the greatest baraka [a "blessed virtue", a mysterious, wonder-working force coming from God].' The women said, ' Is not that the child of 'Abd al-Mutalib? ' She answered, ' Yes. ' ' Before we left that place,' Halima added, ' I saw envy in [the faces of] several of our women.'
“It is to these years spent in the desert that a marvellous experience, assigned by other authors to different points in the Prophet's life, has been said to relate. Two angels came and, opening his breast, drew out the heart which they cleaned scrupulously before returning it to its place. Then they weighed him, putting in the other side of the scales first one man, then ten, then a hundred and then a thousand. Then one said to the other: 'Let be. Even if you were to set his whole community (umma) in the scale, he would still outweigh it.'
Muhammad Marries Khadija, His Widowed First Wife
Khadija
Muhammad married a rich widow when he was 25 years old and managed her affairs. Maxime Rodinson wrote in “Muhammad”: “Muhammad seems to have remained a bachelor for longer than was usual among his people. The reason for this was probably poverty. He asked, it is said, Abu Talib for the hand of his cousin Umm Hani. Marriages between cousins were approved of in Beduin society; but the suitor was rejected, probably in favour of a more illustrious rival. Long afterwards Umm Hani, then widowed, would have been glad to have her cousin renew his offer, but Muhammad was no longer inclined; they remained, however, on good terms. He was sleeping in Umm Hani's house the night he made his nocturnal voyage to heaven. [Source: Maxime Rodinson (1915-2004), “Muhammad,” Pantheon Books, 1980, Beginning with pp. 38 ^\^]
“Fortune soon favoured him. Without falling into the traditional exaggerations which make him as early as this period a model of physical, intellectual and moral perfection, the qualities he displayed later are enough to show that he must have made a favourable impression on those with whom he came in contact. Even at this stage, people must have been struck by his intelligence, and his calm, confident and balanced manner of conducting himself both in his own affairs and in his dealing with others. It was probably this quality which led Khadija bint Khuwaylid, a widow no longer in her first youth, who had already been twice married and had several children, to engage him in her employ. She was rich, and equipped caravans to travel into Syria to bring back Byzantine merchandise for sale on the Mecca market. ^/^
“Khadija seems to have sent her new employee with the caravans to deal with purchasing. If this was so, Muhammad must have revisited Syria; and this has provided an opportunity for the traditions to introduce more monks, who comment once again on the miracles attending the young Qurayshite's passage and predict a brilliant future for him. What is quite certain is that Muhammad's exertions on Khadija's behalf aroused in her the wish to marry him. She may already have been aware of Muhammad's charm when she engaged him. In any event the lot of unmarried women among the Arabs was not an enviable one. Her father, if he were still alive, could act as her protector, but she had every reason to regard the future with apprehension. Khadija is said to have been forty, but she had no lack of suitors. Muhammad would then have been twenty-five. The inevitable go-between, Nafisa bint Munya, is credited with saying:
“Khadija sent me to Muhammad to sound out his feelings after he came back from Syria with his caravan. I said to him: 'Muhammad, is there any reason why you should not marry?' He told me: 'I possess nothing to marry on.' I answered him: ' And suppose there was someone who had enough for two? And suppose you were summoned to beauty, wealth, and to a position of honour and ease, would you not accept?' Who is the woman?' 'Khadija.' 'What must I do?' 'I will attend to all.' 'And I too will do my part.'
“Nothing remained but to complete the necessary formalities. Some accounts added that this was not easy and that Khadija had to get her father drunk in order to obtain his consent; but most traditions say that by this time her father was long dead and it was her uncle who represented her family in the marriage. ^\^
Muhammad and Khadija’s Relationship
Muhammad and Khadijah had two sons who died in infancy and four surviving daughters, the most famous of whom was Fatimah, who married Ali, the fourth caliph. Khadijah was the first person to believe in the revelation Muhammad had received, making her the first Muslim convert. She was Muhammad's strongest supporter and adviser, particularly during the early, difficult years after his call as a prophet. [Source: John L. Esposito “Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices”, 2000s, Encyclopedia.com]
Maxime Rodinson wrote in “Muhammad”: “Maxime Rodinson wrote in “Muhammad”: “His marriage to Khadija was the saving of Muhammad and opened the door to a brilliant future. He had no further material anxieties. From the poor relation of a great family, earning his living in the service of others, he became a person of importance. He must have seen God's hand at work in this; and, one day, he heard Allah say to him: ‘Your Lord has not taken leave of you, nor despised you . . . Did he not find you an orphan and give [you] shelter? He found you erring and guided you. He found you poor and enriched you. — Koran xciii [Source: Maxime Rodinson (1915-2004), “Muhammad,” Pantheon Books, 1980, Beginning with pp. 38 ^\^]
Muhammad and Khadija
“It is unlikely that he felt for Khadija the physical passion which was later to procure him, in his old age, the young and lovely women of his future harem. But he always had a great respect for her and a firm affection and gratitude which never wavered. A psychoanalyst has suggested that the frustrations of an orphan, deprived of his mother's warmth at an early age, may have strengthened this attachment to an older woman. Muhammad used to say that she was the best of all the women of her time, and that he would live with her in paradise in a house built of reeds, in peace and tranquillity. He spoke of her often after her death, much to the fury of his beloved Aisha. 'Aisha described her jealousy of the dead woman, whom she had never met, as beyond what she felt for anyone in the world. One day Khadija's sister Hala came to the Prophet's door, and asked to be let in. He recognized her voice and was thrilled. He cried out: ' My God, it's Hala ! ' ' Then', said 'Aisha, ' I was seized with jealousy and screamed: “Why do you have to be always remembering that toothless old Qurayshite with her red mouth? Fate made her die and God has replaced her with a better! "
“Khadija gave Muhammad several children. There were four daughters: Zaynab, Ruqayya, Fatima and Umm Kulthum. But what for an Arab was then, and still is, a great misfortune, all her sons died at an early age. Tradition lists them variously. One was al-Qasim, who is said to have died when he was two and from whom his father took the kunya of Abu l-Qasim, which he was to retain. There also seems to have been an 'Abdallah, who may in fact have been named 'Abd Manaf, in token of respect to the deity Manaf whom his parents were soon to reject. At about this time Muhammad adopted his young cousin 'Ali, whose father, Muhammad's uncle Abu Talib, was experiencing some business difficulties. Khadija also made Muhammad a present of a slave whom her nephew had bought in Syria - a young manfrom the tribe of Kalb, of strong Christian affiliations, whose name was Zayd. Muhammad gave him his freedom and adopted him as a son. ^\^
Muhammad: A Treacherous Womanizer?
W. Montgomery Watt, Professor of Arabic and Islamic studies at the University of Edinburgh, wrote in “Muhammad: Prophet and Statesman”:“The other main allegations of moral defect in Muhammad are that he was treacherous and lustful. These are supported be reference to events like the violation of the sacred month on the expedition of Nakhlah (624) and his marriage to Zaynab bint-Jahsh, the divorced wife of his adopted son. About the bare facts there is no dispute, but it is not so clear that the facts justify the allegations. Was the violation of the sacred month an act of treachery or a justified breach with a piece of pagan religion? Was the marriage with Zaynab a yielding to sexual desire or a mainly political act in which an undesirable practice of ' adoption ' belonging to a lower moral level was ended? Sufficient has been said above about the interpretation of these events to show that the case against Muhammad is much weaker than is sometimes thought. [Source: W. Montgomery Watt (1909-2006), “Muhammad: Prophet and Statesman,” Oxford University Press, 1961. from pg. 229. \~]
“The discussions of these allegations, however, raises a fundamental question. How are we to judge Muhammad? By the standards of his own time and country? Or by those of the most enlightened opinion in the West today? When the sources are closely scrutinized, it is clear that those of Muhammad's actions which are disapproved by the modern West were not the object of the moral criticism of his contemporaries. They criticized some of his acts, but their motives were superstitious prejudice or fear of the consequences. If they criticized the events at Nakhlah, it was because they feared some punishment from the offended pagan gods or the worldly vengeance of the Meccans. If they were amazed at the mass execution of the Jews of the clan of Qurayzah, it was at the number and danger of the blood-feuds incurred. The marriage with Zaynab seemed incestuous, but this conception of incest was bound up with old practices belonging to a lower, communalistic level of familial institutions where a child's paternity was not definitely known; and this lower level was in process being eliminated by Islam. \~\
“From the standpoint of Muhammad's time, then, the allegations of treachery and sensuality cannot be maintained. His contemporaries did not find him morally defective in any way. On the contrary, some of the acts criticized by the modern Westerner show that Muhammad's standards werehigher than those of his time. In his day and generation he was a social reformer, even a reformer in the sphere of morals. He created a new system of social security and a new family structure, both of which were a vast improvement on what went before. By taking what was best in the morality of the nomad and adapting it for settled communities, he established a religious and social framework for the life of many races of men. That is not the work of a traitor or ' an old lecher'. \~\
Muhammad and Aisha
Ali and Aisha, Muhammad's widow, fight in the Battle of the Camel
Muhammad’s favorite wife, Aisha (Aʾishah), was the daughter of his friend Abu Bakr, who became the first caliph of the Muslim state after the Prophet's death. It is said as a child she was allowed to play with dolls as long as they did not resemble people. Muhammad fell for Aisha, the wife of his adopted adult son and then took her as his wife, something that many Christian theologians have found shocking. Karen Armstrong wrote: “This story has shocked some of Muhammad’s Western critics who are used to more ascetic, Christian heroes, but the Muslim sources seem to find nothing untoward in this demonstration of their prophet’s virility. Nor are they disturbed that Muhammad had more than four wives: why should God not give his prophet a few privileges?”
Aisha was a leader and teacher of both women and men. According to the New York Times: “There is controversial tradition, which portrays Aisha as disappearing into the desert with a young swain who was not her husband. Rumors circulated until Allah sent Muhammad divine confirmation his favourite wife hadn't committed any sins. Sunnis greatly revere Aisha and find even hints of betrayal on her part as deeply offensive.
On her sex life with Muhammad, Aisha said: “I used to bath with Allah messenger in the same tub, and I used to tell him: ‘leave some water for me’, and he used to say to me: ‘you leave me some’”. Responding to a follower’s question about the extent of the exposure between spouses, she said “I used to see his (she means his genitals) and he used to see mine”. Answering a question about the way the Prophet was following, in order to getting pure of “janabah” (after intercourse or night emission), “Aisha”, wife of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) replied: “He used to wash his sex organ then to shower”.
Aisha
Ahmet T. Kuru wrote: Aisha is one of the most important, vigorous and powerful figures in Islamic history. The favorite wife of the Prophet, she was the daughter of the Prophet’s successor and closest friend, Abu Bakr. She became a leading narrator of hadith — the records of the Prophet’s words and actions — the teacher of many scholars and a military leader in a civil war. [Source: Ahmet T. Kuru, Professor of Political Science, San Diego State University, The Conversation, June 13, 2022]
In 656, after Muhammad died, Aisha, led a rebellion against Ali, Muhammad’s adopted son, because he didn’t avenge death of Othman, a tribal leader, the third caliph and close friend of Muhammad. Her supporters were defeated by Ali’s supporters near Basra in the Battle of the Camel, so called because Aisha watched over the fighting from the back of a camel.
This battle triggered a face off between Ali’s Iraq-based supporters and the Meccan- and Syrian-based supporters of Muawiyyah ibn Abi Sufyan, an Othman relative and the Muslim military governor of Syria. Muawiyyah had promised to avenge Othman’s death and was supported by the wealthy Meccan clans and was regarded in Syria as an able leader. Aisha was defeated and Ali was eventually chosen as the fourth Caliph. Aisha later apologised to Ali but the clash had already created a divide in the community. Sunnis greatly revere Aisha and find even hints of betrayal on her part as deeply offensive. |::|
How Old Was Aisha When She Married Muhammad
How old was Aisha when she married Muhammad. Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood told the BBC: “No-one is absolutely certain of her age when she married the Prophet, but it could have been as young as 6; some scholars believe she was ten years older. However, the majority go for the age of 6. The marriage that took place then was an agreement on paper, there was no physical relationship until Aishah reached puberty - but this in itself could have been at around 9 or 10 years old. That is not an unusual age for menstruation to start in hot climates, and once a girl is capable of producing a child she is regarded as technically a woman. [Source: Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, BBC, September 3, 2009 |::|]
Ahmet T. Kuru wrote: According to a hadith record, Aisha was 9 years old when she got married. Some Muslims accept this record and see it normal for a pre-modern marriage, whereas other Muslims believe that Aisha was either 18 or 19 years old by referring to other records. It is not possible to know the true facts of Aisha’s age. As Islamic scholar Khaled Abou El Fadl stresses, “we do not know and will never know” them. Sharma thus used a single narration, while ignoring alternative Muslim explanations, in her remarks.[Source: Ahmet T. Kuru, Professor of Political Science, San Diego State University, The Conversation, June 13, 2022]
Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons
Text Sources: Internet Islamic History Sourcebook: sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; Arab News, Jeddah; “Islam, a Short History” by Karen Armstrong; “A History of the Arab Peoples” by Albert Hourani (Faber and Faber, 1991); “World Religions” edited by Geoffrey Parrinder (Facts on File Publications, New York); “Encyclopedia of the World’s Religions” edited by R.C. Zaehner (Barnes & Noble Books, 1959); Metropolitan Museum of Art, National Geographic, BBC, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Smithsonian magazine, The Guardian, Al Jazeera, Times of London, The New Yorker, Time, Newsweek, Reuters, Associated Press, AFP, Library of Congress and various books and other publications.
Last updated April 2024